Forget love.

People have convinced themselves that love is the moving factor when it come to relationships. Not true, especially in the case of women searching for a man.

Fellas, if you haven’t realized by now please take note:

Sure, women may be attracted to who and what you are presently but they are really thinking about what and who you can be in the future and how they can reap the benefits of the future you. We’ll call this the potential factor.

Guys, you can be making 60k a year at a mid-level job, renting your own apartment. You meet a woman, she learns of your current stats and within minutes she is brainstorming about how you will be making 90k a year, buying a house (that she helps pick out and decorate) and earning a promotion that will lead to a corner office.

Women love men who have the potential to earn, provide and accomplish more down the line. This is part of the reason why when a woman finds a man who is a diamond that needs polishing she brings a lot to the table early. She may spoil him, cook, sex him like crazy, things that show she is really there for him and locks her position in so when he does start climbing the ladder she is along for the trip.

The Potential Factor is also the reason why women nag the hell out of you men. When a woman sees you slipping, being lazy or taking missteps she will do what she can to help you get back on the track she thinks you are supposed to be on. Of course it’s not what you want to hear and it drives you crazy. You’re thinking she is really yelling about the garbage going out or your playing video games til 3am. No, she is getting on your cause about not being the man she knows you can be. Every woman has this life coach in her. We show it in different ways: sweet persuasion, hissy fits, reverse psychology.

No woman wants to be with a man who is a failure. In order to prevent this she will search for a man who has already accomplished a good deal on his own but needs a little love, support and fire under his behind to help him get to the top. It’s like the old saying, “I’m not where you at, its where you’re going.” The potential factor is also what makes it hard for women to move on. They’re thinking, “I’ll be damn if I leave and let another woman benefit from all the hard work and time I put into this man.”

Some men search for the potential factor as well. However, most of them believe in finding the woman they want forever on day one, who has time to act on faith and potential. “I want my perfect woman now!” is what some men say and that’s actually why they are never happy and single. Men don’t believe in waiting in seeing. They want it all right now. They want the way they meet a woman to be the way she is for the rest of their relationship. Men don’t take well to change so he’s less likely to accept a woman whose life changes drastically from the time they got together. Ladies, if you are working a simple 9-5, earning 45k and speak of wanting to be a wife and mother and taking care of home two years later your man is going to look at you crazy if you become a power hungry businesswoman, earning more than him and talking of hiring a nanny and housekeeper.

Fellas, think about this the next time you are on a first date giving her your stats. Take an unexpected pause and listen closely to see if you hear the gears in her head working overtime. She’s plotting your future before the first course arrives.

- SG