Dear Single Girl -

I want to know if men think that women are all the same in the bedroom? Your thoughts? I’ve heard guys say it and I want to hear others’ opinions – Kinyetta

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“I don’t even get the point of the question. Same in terms of what? Two boobs and a cooch? Well, if that’s the case I surely hope so anything less or more than that is a problem.

Now, if she’s talking about sexually then the answer is hell no. What would make her think such a broad statement were true? As with anything in life there are good, bad, and happy mediums. You pray for more good in the bedroom but there are also plenty of wack broads in the bedroom.

We all know not every girl gives head, and even those that do don’t necessarily do it well.

So to say all women are the same is a silly statement in my book. Does she think all guys are the same? I’d hope not cause I’m way better than the last dude you were with. LOL.

But seriously, no all men don’t think all women are the same in the bedroom. If that was the case there wouldn’t be terms for wifey, slut, whore, freak, etc.”

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“I’ve been fortunate to have “relations” with women who were never boring. Well, except for one which ironically was the one I lost my virginity to. She just laid there while I was pumping away. No excitement at all. But after that experience I’ve dealt with adventurous women (i.e. Public sex, either at my job during office hours, on a rooftop, a stairway at my college during school hours, at a radio station while on a break, or in a club bathroom), experimental women (i.e. Toys) and women who made sex exciting mainly because they were in tuned with their bodies and know EXACTLY what they like done to them, which varied from each women. For example, I dealt with a woman that just wanted me to play with her breast because she came off of just that. What also made the sex exciting is the energy me and that person had. I’ve had one who would come off of giving me head. Communication on what were our turn-on’s and turn-off’s played a major role in this. I haven’t had a “dead fish” since my first.

No, not all women are the same in bed. Different women have different things that turn them on in bed. If you get intimate with a woman who loves foreplay and take that experience to the next woman who isn’t into foreplay, you’re going to be scrambling to find out what she likes on the fly. This will probably make for a terrible experience for the woman who doesn’t like foreplay. As a man, you have to treat pleasing different women like you’re training for a series of boxing matches. You have to scout each partner to see what makes them weak in the knees.”

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“Hell, no. In my experience EVERY woman is different. From what turns them on to what turns them off, no two women are the same. No, they are all different as well. Some women do just lay there and others know what they want. Some women hate performing oral and others love it. That’s what I am saying — women are all different.”

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“Whoever thinks all women are the same in the bedroom probably had two, three partners in their life max. I’ve never heard something so ridonkulous in my life. I’m merely answering to refute the claim all women are same in bedroom, which is ludicrous. Now, if you want me to explain all the types of women I’ve had in the bedroom…there isn’t enough space on your server for all of them.”

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“Nah I don’t think so. It is like cars…realistically…all cars do the same thing. But some drive better than others, look better, and got WAY more features. All girls are different in the bedroom in my opinion.”

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“This is a corny question. No they’re not all the same. You got prudes, freaks, gymnast, porn stars, workers, dead fish, stinky fish, trini’s, and so and so and so on.”

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“Hmmmm….all the same…definitely not. Some women are freaky…other women will not lick your ball useless there was marriage talk at dinner. It’s hard to impress someone. But I don’t think all women are the same. It’s like saying every guy is the same.”

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“Pussy isn’t all the same. The anatomy of a women changes and varies depends on genetics and what type of sexual activity she’s engaged in. The locker room talk about “loose” women is VERY true. I’ve slept with the “average” many times and have also had both ends of the spectrum in terms of tightness/looseness. Also, wetness is dramatically different from woman to woman. I’ve had everything from the Sahara to Niagara. Tightness and wetness are the two major criteria that make women very different in bed.”

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“Most definitely not. Even if they look the same and act the same as the next chic, they will not do the same moves or moan the same way. Even if they’re identical twins and finish each others sentences, I gar-an-tee they both get down different in the bed. Granted pussy is pussy but, like my mans told me, “ain’t no pussy like new pussy.” And I think that’s part of the allure of being with different women for a lot of us. It’s always a new experience, good or bad.

One girl might only like riding or missionary, while the next likes for her hair to be grabbed while getting back shots and watching VHI (true story). Some girls like lights on, others lights off. Some like music some don’t. Just like every person is different, every girl is different in the bedroom.”

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“All Women are different sexually. They vary in terms of experience and “extroversion”. Some women are shy and others are straight freaks. Every woman is different as a person and as a sexual being”

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“All women are definitely NOT the same in bed in any aspect. Any guy that says that has the sexual aptitude of a teenager. Obviously-there are certain general rules that apply. Guys and gals like to cum, no shit. Seriously however, women in bed are as different as their personalities; from their likes/dislikes to how comfortable they are experimenting new things. My homegirls joke with me that I have a “stripper-esque” taste. This is simply because in my opinion they seem to be more comfortable with being exposed, which to me; the more comfortable you are with your self and with your partner, the better the experience will be. So from a guy, no, every woman is different in bed. Don’t be scurred to try new things-that’ll definitely eliminate any blanket generalization.”

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Dear Kinyetta -

I hope these men answered your question.

LMAO!

Special thanks to the Men’s Department aka the wonderful men who answered my call and will occasionally be offering their opinion on topics that need a man’s touch.

- SG

There are thousands of books, websites and experts who all spew crap about how to make relationships work, what a man and woman should do…it’s not that deep. Ladies, if you are single, looking for love, in love, have a long term relationship that is kinda on the rocks, or want to seal the deal and get that ring on your finger…take notes.

1. SEX

Do it often, make it good, spice it up and do everything at least once…yes, EVERYTHING. If you got in the game sucking, licking, plucking, teasing and pleasing but one year later you are always on your back looking up at the ceiling like Celie in The Color Purple, your man is going to lose interest and look elsewhere. All of this “I don’t do that…” will be your demise. If you talked a good game about how you got that crack in your crotch and he’ll be sprung, you should be able to deliver. Now, it’s not about giving it to him whenever he wants like some hooker. It’s about being able to take the driver’s seat and spring it on him in a way he’d never see coming.

• Go to his house in a trench coat with nothing on underneath but some killer heels and keep the shoes on during sex.

• Suggest a video camera, record, watch right after and erase

• Get on them knees and rock the mic when he’s just chilling on the couch watching the game. When you’re done swallow and before walking off say, “I’ll let you finish the game.” 

• Learn how to ride. Men get tired of being on top all the time.

These are just tips, some extreme, some realistic. You get the point.

2. Home Cooking

Now I was going to say “food” but that is too vague. Girl, get in that kitchen and cook a hot meal. No microwave, no frozen dinner, no canned food either. Don’t slave in the kitchen for hours. Go to Barnes & Noble and get a Rachel Ray 30 Minute Meals cookbook and whip up a well balanced dinner: meat/protein, starch, veggie. No, it doesn’t have to be every night, once or twice is good enough (if you aren’t married or don’t have kids). Ladies, you don’t know how sexy men think walking in and seeing a woman from the back standing at the counter stirring something up. It drives them wild. It’s that mommy/nurturing complex. Cooking exemplifies how much you care about his, and your, well-being, strength and body. Believe it or not, it is a sign of love.

3. Take Care of a House

This may seem broad but, really, it means keep a clean house. There is nothing more disgusting than a nasty ass woman. This means dishes in the sink, crusty panties balled in the corner, magazines everywhere. Men notice everything—that snotty tissue that missed the garbage can?— everything. Most won’t say anything but they are taking notes. We on the other hand will walk in their house and let it be known, “This place is a mess!” but they don’t care because they know when they get married or move in with a woman, she isn’t going to let the house get that bad. Ladies if you plan on moving in with a man be prepared to be somewhat of an interior designer and the woman of the house.

* Honorable Mention – Conversation / Intelligence

When I ran this list down to a man friend of mine he agreed 100% but told me that he needs a woman with whom he can have a conversation. I thought that was implied but he assured me that it needed to be said. If your mate is in the world of business, you should know something about the world of business, read WSJ.com or the NY Times, have an educated opinion on politics, sports, etc. Challenge him on his views and don’t give up so easily. Men like to know they are with someone that can make them stop and think. Another man friend told me that when he is meeting this one woman for drinks and dinner, he brings a post-it note and pen because she always hits him with something during conversation that he wants to go back and research.

I know folks are going to get on here and blast this list as a traditional, rigid way of women being second-class to men and not every man wants this blah, blah, blah. Look at this list as a foundation, a skeleton that you can build on any way that you want. However, try having a relationship where after bad boring sex, you heat up Chinese food leftovers that you two eat out the box ’cause all your dishes are piled up in the sink and see how long he sticks around.

—Says the Single Girl

Originally posted Sept 11, 2008 on