I have a new addiction: VH1’s Sex Rehab. I stumbled across it one  day but couldn’t turn. I had given up on VH1, what with all of their “…Love…” reality shows and limited my reality TV intake to Man vs Food, Bizarre Food, Anthony Bourdain, Say Yes to the Dress and Bridezillas.

However, there was something about the Z-list celebrities sitting in front of Dr. Drew (remember Lovelines!) peeling back the layers of their hardened exteriors revealing the root of their sexual addictions.

I’m no sex addict but I did relate to some of the cast when they spoke about being cold towards intimacy. My issue has been that of trust. It takes a long time for me to let the wall down and allow myself to feel. Ironically, I watched the show with my S.O. (Significant Other) right next to me. I had to be mindful of my nods in agreement with some of what these hurting folks had to say.

One woman, Amber is a former model and drug addict. Only once the drugs were gone did she realize that sex was another problem. She claims she’s never been in a relationship. She’s in her 40s.

Amber was discussing her issues with men:

“Either I love on a 10 or a 1. 10 means I’m head over heels and my world revolves around him. There’s passion. 1 is when I get a guy who’s all into me, I trap him and have my way with him. I want something in the middle. I need to love on a 5″

Things that make you go hmmm…

Love on a 10 sounds amazing. I’m sure that’s what Bobby and Whitney were on. I did love someone like that. Well I wouldn’t call it love more like lust. And it wasn’t on a 10, more like a 9. We were crazy together. I mean, someone call the cops on us crazy. Our battles would be a mix of hot passionate action and WWF. I hated him as much as I loved/lusted him.

I never want to go through that again.

Most of my “loves” (for lack of a better word) averaged in the 1-3 range. I once had a 7 but he didn’t know what he wanted, reaffirming my decision to stick with 1-3s. With the low rung lovers I was in control. No deep emotions, no drama just unattached companionship.

The bad thing about love on a scale of 5 or less: you never take it seriously. Whatever sign of emotion they show you or kind-hearted action, you take for granted. They’re disposable.

5-7s are the perfect combo of love, lust and tolerance. Ha!

8s are cool if they love you just as much but let’s be real, no two people love each other to the exact same degree.

9-10s are Dangerous. That’s when you get to pulling you hair out, stalking, dedicating Facebook profile pictures, sending cryptic and not so cryptic tweets…basically losing yourself in the warm feeling of love to the brink of insanity.

The other bad thing about loving on the highest level…you are always going to want it to be on that level. The moment it dips a half point below you are looking to do anything to bring it back up. You’ll find yourself asking over and over and over again “What’s wrong?”; “Is everything OK?”

Everyone should encounter love on a 10. It’s an invaluable experience where you learn who you are, what makes you snap and to walk away. If you don’t know what love on a 10 is like listen to Jill Scott’s “Slowly Surely”.

Love on a 1 is just as destructive as 10 but instead of hurting you are doing the hurting.

I’d like a balance. Love on a 5-7 is perfect for me.

What’s your perfect number?

…Says The Single Girl

p.s. – I’m back for real with time!

I was listening to The Wendy Williams radio show when the topic of “Should You Look Through Your Partners Phone/E-mail” came up. The woman sitting in for Wendy said she’d been married for 12 years but still looks through her man’s phone and e-mail accounts. All the men in the studio disagreed. The callers were split down the middle. Of course, those supporting checking your partner’s stuff were women.

I don’t think you should snoop through your boo’s phone/e-mail because once you get a taste you’ll always be looking for a fix. Never a day goes by where you’re not wondering what’s in their text messages or who they’ve been e-mailing back and forth with all night.

IMO, relationships are about trust and without trust you have nothing. But don’t take it from me. Check out what my Tweeps has to say on the matter.  (This is why I love my Twitter Fam…)

1. Jenniebug88 Hell naw. My boyfriend be on that detective shit and one time he found something in my phone that hurt his feelings.

2. MNJones only wife, husband should because u 2 r n vowed 2 b as one so if one picks up and looks shouldn’t b a problem. if 2 people can share everything looking at phones and emails should b no different but only n marriage. in reality people in commited relationships do it cause they want 2 make sure partner is tellin da truth and being commited

3. courtneymariek no…cause if you go looking for something and you find it how will you react? Nobody told you to look for it…

   
   

4. mslayla25 trying to hide behind texts and lies. I always catch em in a trap. You can’t fool somebody that knows & plays the game well

   
   

5. VIXEN01 hell no in my opinion that’s violating my privacy … if their trust what are you looking for?

   
   

6. mslayla25 I think so. When you’re in a relationship you should be able to trust the other half. But sometimes they tend to be sneaky

   
   

7. candireign husband or not both of you should still have your privacy?! Why am I married to you if we don’t trust each other?

8. kokoesquire I don’t see why its necessary, the msgs aren’t for them. If they ask me to review the files, its a red flag of insecurity unless I’m technology deprived and ask them to check for me.

9. likno1uvevacen no, that shd never b allowed. Either you trust ur partner or you don’t & if you don’t, that’s a whole other issue!