I received this letter last week but had to get some clarification on the issue at hand. Below, you will find the correspondence with the reader “One Year Later”.

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Dear Single Girl -

Next week is my one year anniversary. I’ve been thinking what I want to do with my guy but my friends seem to think that I’m not really in a relationship at all. He and I have been dating, we hang out and the sex is great. We don’t have titles but we are exclusive. SG, should I celebrate our anniversary or not?

-         One Year Later

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One Year Later -

I really need to know a lot more about the status of this “relationship” before I can give my thoughts on it. Firstly, you mentioned that you two don’t have titles. If a stranger asked do you have a boyfriend, what would your answer be? Secondly, what is keeping you two from being in a committed, labeled relationship? Third, do you love him? And most importantly, has he ever said “I love you”?

-         STSG

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Dear Single Girl -

Your questions are like the same ones my friends ask me. Here are my answers:

1. I never say I have a boyfriend, but will say that I am dating someone exclusively. I only refer to him as either “my friend” or by his first name.

2. When we first started dating it was more of a friend with benefits type thing but grew into something more. We’ve spoke about us and what we want but he expressed early on that he wasn’t looking for a relationship. We’ve been going with the flow since.

3. Yes.

4. No.

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One Year Later aka No Love -

I hope you peeped my new name for you. If your boo hasn’t told you he loves you after a year of being in whatever it is you two are in, chances are what you think you have is nothing at all. It’s a house of sand and fog build on a foundation of sand. All too often women will try to turn a booty call into a husband and the success rate of that transformation is .000009.

No love, don’t you dare play yourself talking about a damn anniversary. You’d be better of going out with friends in your “fuck me pumps” and find a man who wants you, all of you, for himself, outright. This guy has been getting the milk for free and you want to congratulate him for that? That is what your celebrating this mock “anniversary” will do.

Now, I’m not blaming this guy for doing what you’ve allowed him to do. You should take some credit in this mess. It’s clear that you want a real relationship and this is not it. Instead you decided to stick around hoping that he will see how great you are (which I am sure you are), change his mind about not wanting to be in a relationship and show up at your door with a bouquet of red roses professing his love.

Girl, this is not going to happen. What will happen is you will smarten up or have your heart broken so badly that you will have no choice but to leave. Once you are gone and he isn’t getting that attention from you he will come back saying how much he misses you and wants you. Don’t fall for it. This is the age old trick of “I’m a man and my ego is bruised because you aren’t here to stroke it.”

I hope I answered your question.

Be strong, be smart.

- STSG

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