Have you heard? Jay-z may be taking Beyonce’s last name. Something about since her father has no boys the name won’t be passed on. I say to that…Papa Knowles has a paternity suit pending so before Jay files for a new last name, he should see the result of that dna test. There might be a little boy walking crawling around with Beyonce’s name as you read this.

I find it interesting how attached people are to their name. I have some girlfriends who refuse to change their last name when they wed. They view it as archaic. Taking on a man’s last name like you’re his property is so old fashion.

A few years back I read an interesting article in the New York Time about couple who created their own last names. Whether it was hyphened or a complete mash up of their names, they agreed that their identity should be a merge and not a man claims all.

Oh, forgot to mention they were all white.

I don’t know how I feel about taking on a new name. I love my name. It has a nice ring to it: Single Girl. Now imagine I get married: Single [His Last Name Here]. Yeah, not so sure about that.

If I have a tad bit of a problem accepting this, you know (black) men aren’t going for it.

“Jay should change his name to Beyonce’s,” said my west coast Manny.

“Why?”

“Because he owes everything that’s happened to him since 2002 to her.”

“Would you change your last name to your wife’s?”

“Hell no.”

“Why not?”

“Because…I have a father.”

ROTFL

“My father didn’t have his dad in his life,”continued Manny. “All throughout my childhood he would always say “You’re a [His Last Name] you can do anything because you are a [His Last Name].’ My dad took great pride in our name so I can’t give that up.”

“So could you hyphenate?”

“No, I’m a traditionalist. Its my name or nothing.”

That’s a big ultimatium. Marriage is all about compromise. I down for legally changing my name but I told myself many years ago that if I were to get married after having already establishing myself in my career I would keep my maiden name publically. On my liscense, bills, etc it would be my married name but in the streets, board room call me SG.

Another thing, I’m bougie when it comes to my name. If my future husband has a wack ass last name that throws off my whole shit…I can’t. One former beau of mine had an ok name. But when we played around with my first name and his last name, no mas. Something you ordered at the deli.

He gave me to ok to keep my maiden name, no hyphenation. This was our 2nd week together. Bahhhaaa. Men think more about their last name than we think about taking it. No matter how much they deny, all men see the name change as putting their stamp of approval on a woman. You can weasle out of being with a tried ass woman.

“You dude, I saw your girl in the club juggling some dude’s balls with her tongue.”

That’s nothing compared to:

“You dude, I saw your WIFE talking to a man at the bus stop.”

As the carrier of his name, you are the mother-to-be of his legacy. You are a walking billboard, a reflection of him at all times. This is why so many men make their women go through the ringer before marriage cause they are waiting for that woman that won’t  bring shame to their name. Mind you, they can do all types of shit, but in their mind its never a reflection of you.

…Says the Single Girl

Long ago I decided that before I get married me and my future husband would seek couple’s counseling. There’s no way I want to enter a union with unresolved issues that could one day mean the demise of my marriage.

Whether it be our childhoods, relationships with parents (or lack there of), trust issues, low self esteem, etc. we are going to work it out before we walk down the aisle.

It’s also my hope that I find a man who is open to being spiritual. Perhaps therapy would bring us closer and then we can work on our relationship with God.

I grew up in the church and one day, when I’m done sinning I’ll go back to the church.

This raises the question:

What do you do when you’re saved but your significant other isn’t?

Scene:

Lobby of a video game launch party. SG runs into Married Manny. Former co-workers, they haven’t seen each other in two years.

SG: Manny, how are you!

Manny: I’m good. I’m blessed can’t complain.

SG: How are the wife and kids?

(Manny, 33, is married to his high school sweetheart. They have 4 kids.)

Manny: We’re separated.

SG: What? What did you do?

Manny: Why it got to be my fault? That’s messed up. You want to know what I did? I started going to church. Jesus broke up my marriage.

SG: [laughing] Are you serious?

Manny: Yes.

SG: That can’t be it.

Manny: Yes it is. I moved out and everything. I take the kids with me to church every Wednesday and Sunday. My wife not going is one thing, but my kids are going to church.

SG: Do you think you two will ever work things out. Sounds like you need therapy.

Manny: I suggested that we speak to my pastor but she thinks he’s just going to side with me because we are cool.

SG: I still can’t believe you’re separated because of church.

Manny: My wife lost her job earlier this year. That’s when she started losing her mind. This recession has me grinding hard. I own two homes, got 4 kids and my wife won’t even help me. I had to turn to God or else I would have snapped. You would’ve seen me on the news.

SG: Do you want her back?

Manny: I want my marriage back but it’s hard. I’m in church now and I’m meeting bad sisters, women who have it together but are single. I need a woman who is going to walk with me on this journey not criticize me while I’m on my journey. Marriage is about doing things together and right now my wife is being selfish. You know what she asked me the other day “Who are you seeing at the church cause you’re always over there.” Can you believe that?

SG: Yes, I can believe that. My parents married young. They partied together had fun. Then they had me and my mom decided she wanted to get saved. My dad had a fit. He felt like he was losing his friend, he was going to be looked down upon and judged because he still wanted to party and drink. It created a divide in their marriage. In the end someone has to relent or you’ll get a divorce. Either she is going to want her man back and start dragging her behind to church after the club or you are going accept her sinning ass.

Manny: Part of me wants to stay and the other part just doesn’t know.

SG: Maybe you need to pray on it. [laugh]

We talked for a while, Manny and I, in that lobby. The conversation went much deeper.

Its a valid fear to think that one day the person you’ve dedicated your life too is going to change. Maybe your husband/wife will wake up one morning and tell you they’re gay, a drug addict or transgender. Maybe you realize that you want to quit your job as a bank vp to become a comedian. Will they still stay by your side?

If I had to pick from all thee above, I’d be happy if my husband told me he became a born again christian. I would also feel pressure to confirm to a more religious lifestyle. Together I’m sure we can find a happy medium.

Manny is a good guy and I know he loves his wife. Hopefully she will realize this too before he ends up getting his bread buttered on both sides by Sis. Johnson.