His name was Fred. My aunt hooked us up on a blind date. He was tall and handsome. It’s always the cute ones that end up being weird. He was in his 30s but had a bullshit job.  He lived in a sparsely furnished studio apartment. He refused to eat vegetables and threw out pennies.

Yes, it soon became clear that this man wasn’t the one but he did offer up one of the best pieces of dating advice that I still adhere to.

We were out to dinner when I asked what he thought about my outfit.

Fred: You look great but I’m going to tell you something my mother told me. Don’t ask a man what he thinks about your hair, clothes, makeup, etc.

SG: Why?

Fred: You have to understand the way men think. Once you ask a man to give his opinion you open up a door that you can never close again. He will continue to give his opinion even when you don’t ask and chances are you won’t like what he has to say.

SG: So I should never ask what a man thinks?

Fred: Just don’t ask him what he thinks about something you are sensitive about.

SG: How will I know if a man likes the way I look?

Fred: We’ll tell you, “Babe, I like that dress on you.”

SG: And if you don’t like something?

Fred: Men operate on extremes. Either you look so amazing that we have to tell you or you look fool and we have to let it be known so that you don’t make us look bad. If you are somewhere in the middle, chances are he won’t say anything.

From that moment forth, my approach to holding a conversation with a man I’m dating was forever changed.

Women tend to think that asking a man what he thinks is a way to bring the two of them closer. In actuality, a woman badgers a man about their opinion in order to feed her own insecurities. Women need to hear things even if it’s something they already know to be true.

The problem with her asking questions is that he isn’t going to want to lie. Men can’t lie about certain stuff (except for cheating) especially to a woman they care about so stop asking if you look fat in your jeans when you know you had to lie on the bed to get them on. Don’t ask him if he likes your new hair. Let him notice it on his own. Basically what Fred taught me was: Women, stop fishing for compliments because there’s a good chance when you throw the line into the water, you aren’t going to like what comes back on the hook.

- Says the Single Girl

I always considered moving in with someone to be monumental. For starters I don’t really see myself living with a boo before marriage, possibly during an engagement but no sooner than that. Sure, couples move in together all the time; many of them with no intentions on getting wed. Still, I can’t downplay shacking up and what it means to me.

Now that we’re essentially all tittering on the verge of poverty, the thought of co-habitating for the sole purpose of splitting the bills has entered my mind. Now that I’m dating the topic comes up all the time.

When discussing my status “do you live together” is easily in the top 3 questions asked somewhere in the mix with “how long you two been together” or “what’s his name”? Even though I’m attached there is a part of me that still thinks like a single woman. Its like on Living Single when Kyle and Max started dating. They had to remind her she was with him. I’m not that bad but close. Perhaps I should have named this blog “Until I get Married” like the homie Jozen, keeping it nice and broad, not offending anyone I date.

Back to living together…

There are two types of people in the world: those who believe you should live with a mate before marriage in order to truly see if they are the one and those who don’t. Think back when your parents were our age. Folks met, dated and married in less than 2 years. Months into it they knew this was their future spouse and they hadn’t even had oral sex or hit the backdoor yet alone live together. Still they knew…

My friend Farrah has lived with every single boyfriend she’s had, starting in college. Four boyfriends (and one girlfriend) later, she sees herself moving in with the next love of her life.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever get married so why not play house. If the relationship works and he proposes at least we’ve established a routine that works in our household.”

After living with her bf of 6 years for 4 years, Talia vowed to never do it again.

“I moved across the country for my ex. He was sweet about it. We went apartment hunting. I decorated. He brought me a car but after 4 months all the newness was gone and he thought he had a live in maid. I mean he stopped being a boyfriend and became a brat.”

Living together has become more an act of convience than careful planning. Whenever I think about shacking up one truth strikes me to my core, shaking the daydream from my head:

When you move in with someone the only way for you to no longer live with them is to break up. Period end of story.

You can’t just wake up one day and say “Boo, its been great living with you these last two years but I’m tired of smelling your farts in bed and wiping down the toilet seat every single time I go to use the bathroom cause you’ve dripped all over it. I love you, want to be with you but I’m moving out.”

You might as well had said “I’m cheating on you; it’s over.”

I had two friends who shacked up – one male and one female. When both of me told me they were moving out of their respective apartments shared with their significant others my intial response was: “Is everything ok?”

They both proclaimed their relationships were great and this was just about space…blah, blah, blah.

Within weeks both their relationships were over.

While the poor person in me can justify living with my boo for financial gain the realist in me is banging pots and pans to wake poor me up before I make a big mistake.

…Says the Single Girl

Have you heard? Jay-z may be taking Beyonce’s last name. Something about since her father has no boys the name won’t be passed on. I say to that…Papa Knowles has a paternity suit pending so before Jay files for a new last name, he should see the result of that dna test. There might be a little boy walking crawling around with Beyonce’s name as you read this.

I find it interesting how attached people are to their name. I have some girlfriends who refuse to change their last name when they wed. They view it as archaic. Taking on a man’s last name like you’re his property is so old fashion.

A few years back I read an interesting article in the New York Time about couple who created their own last names. Whether it was hyphened or a complete mash up of their names, they agreed that their identity should be a merge and not a man claims all.

Oh, forgot to mention they were all white.

I don’t know how I feel about taking on a new name. I love my name. It has a nice ring to it: Single Girl. Now imagine I get married: Single [His Last Name Here]. Yeah, not so sure about that.

If I have a tad bit of a problem accepting this, you know (black) men aren’t going for it.

“Jay should change his name to Beyonce’s,” said my west coast Manny.

“Why?”

“Because he owes everything that’s happened to him since 2002 to her.”

“Would you change your last name to your wife’s?”

“Hell no.”

“Why not?”

“Because…I have a father.”

ROTFL

“My father didn’t have his dad in his life,”continued Manny. “All throughout my childhood he would always say “You’re a [His Last Name] you can do anything because you are a [His Last Name].’ My dad took great pride in our name so I can’t give that up.”

“So could you hyphenate?”

“No, I’m a traditionalist. Its my name or nothing.”

That’s a big ultimatium. Marriage is all about compromise. I down for legally changing my name but I told myself many years ago that if I were to get married after having already establishing myself in my career I would keep my maiden name publically. On my liscense, bills, etc it would be my married name but in the streets, board room call me SG.

Another thing, I’m bougie when it comes to my name. If my future husband has a wack ass last name that throws off my whole shit…I can’t. One former beau of mine had an ok name. But when we played around with my first name and his last name, no mas. Something you ordered at the deli.

He gave me to ok to keep my maiden name, no hyphenation. This was our 2nd week together. Bahhhaaa. Men think more about their last name than we think about taking it. No matter how much they deny, all men see the name change as putting their stamp of approval on a woman. You can weasle out of being with a tried ass woman.

“You dude, I saw your girl in the club juggling some dude’s balls with her tongue.”

That’s nothing compared to:

“You dude, I saw your WIFE talking to a man at the bus stop.”

As the carrier of his name, you are the mother-to-be of his legacy. You are a walking billboard, a reflection of him at all times. This is why so many men make their women go through the ringer before marriage cause they are waiting for that woman that won’t  bring shame to their name. Mind you, they can do all types of shit, but in their mind its never a reflection of you.

…Says the Single Girl

I don’t know about you but this holiday season is kicking my ass. There’s two weeks left until X-mas and I haven’t bought a single present. Hell, I’m not even partaking in my office’s Secret Santa. What I look like spending $30 on a co-worker I don’t really care for. Every time I hear a Christmas carol my eyes roll. Then there is the issue of this damn recession. We’re all in the same place as far as watching our paper but when you’re involved with someone your approach to the holidays (should) change. This got me to thinking and about two things: The Recession and Love. I introduce to you the Recession Love series.

~~~~~

I’m bad at a lot of things: hellos, goodbye, hugs, remembering birthdays and lastly presents. Something about the pressure of going shopping, finding the right gift without asking them what they want…wheww, I just got tired thinking about it. I’m the type to ask you what you want, have you print it out with a list of stores I can get it from and give it to you unwrapped. Surprises are not my thing.

It’s not that I don’t want to show how much I value a dude, but I’m constantly thinking about what the gift means and whether I’m putting more into it him. I’m all about balance and fairness. Can’t go out looking like a sucka. Because of this I usually end up giving “sentimental gifts” aka some shit I made myself so if he ends up giving me some wackness it’s no sweat off my back. To date I’ve given old flames crocheted hats and scarfs (think Common during his E. Badu years), sweaters and a box of condoms. Trust me, I was justified in each case.

Of course when the love is new you try to put a disclaimer out there:

“Let’s make a deal, how about we don’t spend more than $50.”

“How about we just make dinner and stay home.”

“It’s OK with me if we don’t exchange gifts.”

For the record, no one wants to be the Scrooge and suggest not to buy gifts at all but one of you is always thinking it.

The easiest way to handle X-mas gifting is to add a monetary value for every month you’ve been together. Depending on your financial situation try increments of 10 or 20. This means if you been together six months you’re shelling out anywhere from $60 – $120; ten months = $100 – $200. It doesn’t sound that bad when you think about it, right?

It’s similar to the rule of the engagement ring: an engagement ring should equal 2-3 months of your man’s salary. Ladies, don’t hit your man up now trying to figure out if you’d be rocking a cubic or the real thing.

Of course this gift giving formula only applies to relationships 12 months or shorter. If you’ve been with someone for longer than a year, of course you are getting a gift and it better be a good one.

Now that the question of “How much?” is answered there is the issue of “What to give?”

When I do buy gifts I am very practical. I like to buy shit that I know is going to be used and not collect dust. I want to purchase a gift that I know will be in use for years to come. Even if we break up I want the next chick to ask where you got so and so from and you have to ‘fess up, “My ex brought me that.” Zing.

Men love clothing, gadget and video games. I don’t buy them that. I’ve been known to buy microwaves, pillows, toilet bowl cleaners…things that make his and my life easier. Sue me.

Whatever you decide to spend your money on you need to know that you should, without a doubt, buy your boo a gift. How much you spend and what to buy I’ll leave up to you.

…Says The Single Girl

I have a new addiction: VH1’s Sex Rehab. I stumbled across it one  day but couldn’t turn. I had given up on VH1, what with all of their “…Love…” reality shows and limited my reality TV intake to Man vs Food, Bizarre Food, Anthony Bourdain, Say Yes to the Dress and Bridezillas.

However, there was something about the Z-list celebrities sitting in front of Dr. Drew (remember Lovelines!) peeling back the layers of their hardened exteriors revealing the root of their sexual addictions.

I’m no sex addict but I did relate to some of the cast when they spoke about being cold towards intimacy. My issue has been that of trust. It takes a long time for me to let the wall down and allow myself to feel. Ironically, I watched the show with my S.O. (Significant Other) right next to me. I had to be mindful of my nods in agreement with some of what these hurting folks had to say.

One woman, Amber is a former model and drug addict. Only once the drugs were gone did she realize that sex was another problem. She claims she’s never been in a relationship. She’s in her 40s.

Amber was discussing her issues with men:

“Either I love on a 10 or a 1. 10 means I’m head over heels and my world revolves around him. There’s passion. 1 is when I get a guy who’s all into me, I trap him and have my way with him. I want something in the middle. I need to love on a 5″

Things that make you go hmmm…

Love on a 10 sounds amazing. I’m sure that’s what Bobby and Whitney were on. I did love someone like that. Well I wouldn’t call it love more like lust. And it wasn’t on a 10, more like a 9. We were crazy together. I mean, someone call the cops on us crazy. Our battles would be a mix of hot passionate action and WWF. I hated him as much as I loved/lusted him.

I never want to go through that again.

Most of my “loves” (for lack of a better word) averaged in the 1-3 range. I once had a 7 but he didn’t know what he wanted, reaffirming my decision to stick with 1-3s. With the low rung lovers I was in control. No deep emotions, no drama just unattached companionship.

The bad thing about love on a scale of 5 or less: you never take it seriously. Whatever sign of emotion they show you or kind-hearted action, you take for granted. They’re disposable.

5-7s are the perfect combo of love, lust and tolerance. Ha!

8s are cool if they love you just as much but let’s be real, no two people love each other to the exact same degree.

9-10s are Dangerous. That’s when you get to pulling you hair out, stalking, dedicating Facebook profile pictures, sending cryptic and not so cryptic tweets…basically losing yourself in the warm feeling of love to the brink of insanity.

The other bad thing about loving on the highest level…you are always going to want it to be on that level. The moment it dips a half point below you are looking to do anything to bring it back up. You’ll find yourself asking over and over and over again “What’s wrong?”; “Is everything OK?”

Everyone should encounter love on a 10. It’s an invaluable experience where you learn who you are, what makes you snap and to walk away. If you don’t know what love on a 10 is like listen to Jill Scott’s “Slowly Surely”.

Love on a 1 is just as destructive as 10 but instead of hurting you are doing the hurting.

I’d like a balance. Love on a 5-7 is perfect for me.

What’s your perfect number?

…Says The Single Girl

p.s. – I’m back for real with time!

I’m a sinner. I make no qualms about that, but I’m not as big a sinner as you’d think I am based on my writings.

I didn’t smoke weed until this year and I’m almost 30.

I only drink socially and have a cap of 2 drinks. If I have anymore than that my friends will come up to me from across the room to inspect my cup or help themselves to half of it.

I love sex but don’t have it nearly as much as I’d like. There was a period during my early 20s when I pretty much sewed up all the wild oats and more.  Now, I’m more of a “keep one man on sex reserve until I’m in a relationship” kinda girl. Every woman should have a dick reserve. It’s up to you how often you call him up for duty-weekly, monthly, bi-monthly.

Ok, perhaps I’m standing a little closer to hell than heaven but it’s nothing that abstinence and a weekly prayer circle can’t fix up.

What got me to thinking about my position with the lord was the recent wedding of my super Christian friend, Jacques.

Jacques is the son of pastors. His new wife is also the child of ministers.

Needless to say, this wedding was cleaner than Celebrity Sober House.

I sat at what I jokingly called the sinners table. We were the group of Jacques’ friends who were either single, out of wedlock parents, drinkers, smokers, bi-sexual-a really colorful bunch.

When I say this was a Christian wedding the music was provided by a praise and worship band. The “cocktail hour” was dubbed the “h’or dourves hour” during which a variety of refreshing fruit punches, lemonades and iced teas were served. I thought at least the champagne flutes would have a little taste in them. Even Jesus drank wine. Nope, we toasted with cherry 7UP.

All holiness aside, the wedding was beautiful and you could tell that the couple was starting off on a very solid foundation even though they’d been dating less than a year.

In any other situation that could have been cause for alarm or a pregnancy test but for Christians, they were right on track.

Their faith taught them that marriage is about work and surrendering your individual needs for the needs of the union. Once Jacques realized that his wife was a strong, God-fearing (what does that really mean?), caring and supporting woman that was all he needed to know. All of the hypotheticals would be answered down the line. There was no reason to test drive her or make her jump through hoops. No reason to be with her for seven years calling her his fiancée when he had no real intentions of marrying her. No reason to get her knocked up and be a baby daddy fighting over the cost of diapers.

In her, Jacques saw the blueprint of a woman that would compliment him and make his life better. This was further supported during the wedding ceremony which featured tag team officiating by the fathers of the couple.

Most weddings are done by a minister who is hired and doesn’t know the first thing about the people they are marrying. They screw up the couple’s names and go off on some tangent that makes so sense. The Christians’ (as I lovingly call the newlywed couple) vows were so moving and personal. One recurring them was the importance of them walking through life as an equal pair. The pastors asked them to face each other and take turns holding and looking at each other’s palms.

“These will be the hands that hold you up. The hands that support you. The hands that will wipe your tears. The hands that will hold your children.”

Deep.

I sat in the 4^th row thinking, “When I get married, I want my vows to sound like that.”

The words about what marriage ought to be brought me back to my own Christian upbringing: “Man and woman were created to be marry, procreate and praise God.”

I’m not living up to that statement in the least.

I do want to get married and I envy The Christians because they were able to come together devoid of the drama and baggage that most people enter a relationship with. We love to start something new with old stuff hanging over our heads.

Watching them during their first dance, it dawned on me. Getting married is easy; the problem is that most people aren’t willing to expose themselves so that they can enter a marriage.  We somehow see marriage as the end goal when it really is the beginning.

You should marry someone because you love who they are and what they can bring to your life and the union. Marriage is about the potential of a mate. It’s an investment. It takes a lifetime to see the full capabilities of a partner and often times we drag out a relationship in hopes to see every aspect of a person’s character before we feel we can marry them. What does happen is you end up in a relationship of 5 years and still don’t want to marry the person.

If you’re in a relationship and marriage or marrying that person isn’t on the front of your brain after 1 year, you are either playing around or with the wrong person.

Jacques met his wife in November 2008.

He proposed in May.

They got married last week.

]]> http://saysthesinglegirl.com/2009/a-very-christian-wedding/feed/ 15 http://saysthesinglegirl.com/2009/the-5-steps-to-marriage/ http://saysthesinglegirl.com/2009/the-5-steps-to-marriage/#comments Tue, 08 Sep 2009 05:37:55 +0000 STSG http://saysthesinglegirl.com/?p=680

During a very heated debate with Manny, we found ourselves trying to our damnedest to pin down the order in which people meet, date and marry.

After a couple drinks, some animated arguments, agreeing to disagree, here is what we came up with:

Step #1 – Dating

You’ve announced yourself as being in the market and proceed to meet and mingle with a handful of folks.

Some you see casually, maybe once or twice a month. There are folks you like more as friends than lovers. Others who you like more as lovers than friends. Then there are those in the middle. Dating is about rotation. By the middle of the first date, you can tell whether a person you’re dating or attempting to date is a homie, lover or friend.

I like to call this the Trio. The Trio is comprised of:

• Person #1 – You really really really like. Normally the one you wish you could lay in the bed with on a Sunday afternoon and do nothing. They’re sexy and a tease. You dangle at the end of their hook.
• Person #2 – You like them but its a mix of like and a great friendship. You’re not blinded by sexual feelings and get a better sense of who they really are. This is the chill person who lets you move at your own pace.
• Person #3 – They really really really like you, so much so that they pressure you for some sign of commitment. They can be somewhat jealous. You think they are cool but know you can’t give them what you want.

At some point 2 people in the TRIO always cancel themselves out. Usually its #1 and #3 and when that happens you find yourself with #2 moving into…

Step #2 – Courting

Courting: To try to gain the love or affections of, especially to seek to marry.

The fact that this was voted on as a step (a key step might I add) kinda surprised me.

Unlike women, men feel there is a huge difference between “dating” and “courting” aka “I’m seeing someone”.

At this phase a front runner has been selected and all attention and time goes toward getting to know, impress and hanging out with that person.

Another important factor: Many women don’t allow men to court them. (I’ll be writing about this next week.)

Courting is the foundation. Its crucial to laying out the roles of the relationship and revealing your core beliefs.

By the end of step #2, if you’ve found a match then you’ve moved on to…

Step #3 – Relationship

The start to any relationship is the mutual decision to no longer see other people. It’s this exclusivity that makes a relationship different from steps #1 and #2. Once you’ve made the choice to be a one woman man or one man woman here is where the real fun begins. Relationships should be where two people work on developing into something bigger but sadly for most people, step #3 is the highest level that they’ll ever reach.

“Relationships” get a bad wrap. Most people who say they’re in “relationships” are really in Step #2 masked as a relationship.

When done right, relationships result in…

Step #4 – Engagement

You’ve realized that the person you’ve made it through steps 1-3 is worth holding on to. More importantly you can’t bear to think of them being with anyone else so the natural reaction is to want to lock them down. Depending on how much time and effort was spent on steps 1-3, the duration of the engagement shouldn’t last longer that the time taken to prepare for a wedding and cleaning up any issues lingering from your single-hood (money issues, ex-lovers, commitment issues, etc). If your engagement lasts years, chances are you’ll still mentally and emotionally in step #3 but trying to justify getting married…at some point. Sidenote: I personally don’t believe that an engagement should last years. If you’ve been engaged for as long or longer than you were together but not engaged, you my friend have some thinking to do.

Step #5 – Marriage

Congratulations, you’ve made it.

- SG

(Sorry for the spotty posts…I’m working on some things.)

People who are married kill me when they try to give dating advice.
.
It’s like graduating high school ten years ago and coming back to your alma mater to tell the kids what it was like when you roamed those halls. All the teachers you had either died or retired. They renovated the classrooms. You’re favorite vending machine is gone.
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Once you are out of the game that’s it. Everything you knew has been morphed into what you did to get your current spouse. Married people think that whatever worked in their case will work for all the single people in the world. What they fail to understand is that their experience is uniquely different.
.
There are more single people in the world than married. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce or murder. (I’ve added the latter. Been watching too much Dateline.) If you look at the numbers, married people are in the minority. Perhaps they should rally to be considered a real minority group right along with the blacks, gays and Hispanics.

If you’ve been victim to the “know-it-all-ness” of a happily wedded person take what they say with a grain of salt. Married people can’t give you great advice about dating because chances are they haven’t dated anyone other than their boo in years.

From the time they’ve been in the dating pool, men and women have come up with a new way to date or not date, a new way to have sex with no strings attached, a new way to cheat and not get caught, and a new way to give someone mixed signals.

Women who are married are the worst when it coming to getting off their high horse. Bitch, spare me. I know why I’m single and I also know that you think just because you have a ring on your finger you think you are enlightened and can address the masses like Pope Benedict. Just because you said “I Do” doesn’t give you the authority to tell me how to date. Dating is much easy to master then say getting married and more importantly staying married. If you are married you should only be preaching about how to stay married.

Marriage can only take part between two people who want to be married. Not a lot of people want to get married until they meet that person that truly impacts their life. Some people want to get married so badly but date all the wrong people. Some folks have wanted to get married since they were kids (OK, maybe just women). Others don’t feel the wedding bug until they are settled in their careers, have created a lovely life for themselves and see all their friends walking down aisle. Getting married boils down to meeting someone who is at the same point in life as you are or damn near close to it. It’s more a game of chance and luck than anything else.

I have a married friend, love him dearly, but his solution to every problem in my single life is “Just get married…”

SG: Man, I really want to go to the movies tonight.

Married Manny: If you were married you’d always have someone to go to the movies with.

~~~~~~~~~~~

SG: What should I eat for dinner tonight?

MM: I don’t know but my wife is cooking skirt steak. Can’t wait. See if you were married you’d have someone to have dinner with every night.

~~~~~~~~~~~

MM: Are you seeing anyone?

SG: Ahh, not really. This one guy is kinda cool.

MM: Show him that you are ready to get married and see what he’s about.

SG: What makes you think I’m ready to get married?

MM: You will be once you’re tired of being alone. Just get married.

The next time your married friend tries to beat you over the head with their dating tips turn to them and say, “I appreciate the fact that you made it to the promise land but on this here side of the hill I’m making due with what there is to offer. When I get to your side of the green pasture I’ll come calling for advice.”

- STSG

Don’t ask me why but I always find myself in situations where most people would flip out. I’m at a friend’s house on the couch, enjoying their cable when it became clear to me that their roommate was getting it “IN” in the other room. Being the person that I am, I simply turned up the volume and kept it moving. Hey, I was watching “Say Yes to the Dress”. There could have been a fire in the apartment and I wouldn’t have moved until the bride to be decided between the Vera Wang and Romona Keveza.

As they got louder and louder, I turned the volume up but there was no escaping — not the sounds of lovemaking — but the squeaky ass bed! With every thrust the bed inched across the floor and landed with a bucking noise. Forget the saying “if these walls could talk”, child if that bed I heard being tortured could talk it’d be begging for mercy.

Which got me to thinking…

When you are with someone, you fail to consider the number of people who have laid in the same spot you have. How many bodily fluids have collected in the fiber quilting of their Sealy. Nor do you think about the number of times someone knocked their head on the headboard or bit the pillow you have rolled under your head as they spoon you.

It’s one thing to be at the mercy of a partner’s bed history when you two are just dating but come marriage, trust and believe, my and my future husband are going furniture shopping.

As the time comes for us to make a house into a home, some things have to happen. Some time before the wedding and after the honeymoon, my husband and I will be moving into a new home. That way no has home court advantage and this union will truly be a fresh start. Either way, these things have to be purchased:

Bed – This is the most important thing to me. Once we become husband and wife I want the comfort of knowing that I am the first and last person to rest my head in this space. I don’t have to wonder what all he did with his last woman on my side of the bed. While we’re at it, throw out all the pillows and bed sheets from our pre-wedded bliss as well. There are some things soap and water can not get out.

Couch – Where you can get vertical has to be thrown out and replaced. I don’t want to be sitting on my old couch watching a movie with my husband and get a flash back to when steamy secret lover X had me bend over the arm rest. Before I know it, I’m back there getting my hair pulled then my eyes get to rolling to the back of my head and my husband is wondering why I’m not watching the movie.

Dinnerware – Throw out all of the silverware and plates. Hell, I’m even down to toss out pots and pans. No need to have any souvenirs of past lovers and how they use to stand in the kitchen in their drawers scrambling eggs in your frying pan.

I think you get the point.

Now, I know it’s an economic depression. What if one of us owns a house and the other rents a tiny apartment? We can move into the bigger space but a complete makeover has to take place. We are painting the walls, switching rooms and possibly knocking down a wall or two.

I want a clean slate.

- SG

I know I said I’m retiring the term “Jump Off” and I don’t even like Seinfeld but I must give respect where it’s due. In the scene below, Jerry and Elaine stumble across some porn and that leads to a very open yet adult conversation about them having no strings attached sex…

Some of out there, you know who you are, need to take note and follow the rules they laid down. I love how Elaine is the one coming up with the rules. LOL!