Time to Buy the Condoms...why the hell are they locked?!?

On more than one occasion I’ve found myself hot and bothered but sexless because neither he nor I had condoms. In the heat of the moment what usually happens is you start up then pause to check if you have a condom on hand. Well, when you don’t your will is tested:

“Should I?”

“Just this once?”

“Nah, I can’t. That’s not even my dude/chick like that.”

“I wonder if she is on the pill.”

Thankfully, cooler heads prevail. Oh, I didn’t say you aren’t tight that you can’t get none. You are beyond pissed but being a mature adult, you are proud of yourself for doing the right thing.

But who should be in charge of having the condoms?

When I was younger I automatically thought it was the guy’s responsibility. I’m talking young, young like teens and early 20s. Then I got to college and the RA taped them to our doors and had a fish bowl full of them in their room. My girls and I would grab a handful in jest because we were too shy to say “I’m getting some dick from this guy in my Poly Sci class tonight and want to make sure we’re strapped.” Instead, we’d shyly laugh at the various colors and tastes and place them in our underwear draw like we never plan on using them.

Sidebar…My junior year of college I lived with my then best friend. She was a hating ass chick. One day she came home early and I had a gentleman caller over, who was on his way out. She and I had a common condom stash but I was the only one who them. I go to sign him out. I come back to the room and she is giving me the silent treatment.

“SG, I see someone had sex. There are only four condoms left.”

“Damn, I didn’t know I was living with the pussy patrol!”

Ok, back to the topic at hand…(I hated that hating ass bitch)…I was saying…

I’ve come up with a clear Condom Responsibility Plan.

1. If I come to your house, you need to have condoms.

I don’t walk with condoms and not sure how many women actually do. It’s like this, I come over to your house for dinner do I have to bring my own dishes to eat off of? No, well then if I’m coming to get piped down you need to have all the tools for the job.

Carrying condoms around on GP hasn’t been my thing. However, I will stop by a store and pick up a pack en route to your house if you tell me you are out.

Ladies, stop flying off the deep end when a man, whom you are not in a committed relationship, reveals he is out of condoms. Don’t go keeping count and getting all upset. Not gonna lie, I have sneaked into a bedside draw or two and counted but that is because I wanted to know if he was sleeping around. I knew if I asked outright there’d be a chance he’d lie. I’d count and keep the results to myself just knowing that I needed keep my guard up.

What I wouldn’t do was take that opportunity to pick a fight and risk not having sex. We can fight after I get my nut. Save the drama for the next day.

2. If you come to my house, I’ll provide the condoms BUT if you know you use specific condoms, bring them with you.

Don’t throw a fit when I pull out a box of Magnums and you only use Magnum XL. You want to be picky, bring your goods with you.

3. If we are in a neutral location (i.e. a hotel, your mom’s house, club bathroom) the prospect of sex must already be addressed.

If there is even a hint that we may get it on that night you need to sneak off and go purchase some condoms or I will flat out ask you “Do you have a condom, if not there’s a store two blocks up.” (Ladies, we know when we want to jump a man’s bones so why not announce it early.)

Once we get to the store you, the man, are going to purchase the condoms. It’s the least you can do. It’s like taking the trash out. If there’s no man around, I’ll do it. If there is a man, I’m looking at you like “You know you need to take the trash out”.

Regardless of how you handle Condom Responsibility don’t get caught without protection.

Happy Sexing!

- SG