...Says The Single Girl » Dear Single Girl

Dear SG: Are All Women The Same In Bed?

STSG — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 13:57:19 +0000

Dear Single Girl -

I want to know if men think that women are all the same in the bedroom? Your thoughts? I’ve heard guys say it and I want to hear others’ opinions – Kinyetta

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“I don’t even get the point of the question. Same in terms of what? Two boobs and a cooch? Well, if that’s the case I surely hope so anything less or more than that is a problem.

Now, if she’s talking about sexually then the answer is hell no. What would make her think such a broad statement were true? As with anything in life there are good, bad, and happy mediums. You pray for more good in the bedroom but there are also plenty of wack broads in the bedroom.

We all know not every girl gives head, and even those that do don’t necessarily do it well.

So to say all women are the same is a silly statement in my book. Does she think all guys are the same? I’d hope not cause I’m way better than the last dude you were with. LOL.

But seriously, no all men don’t think all women are the same in the bedroom. If that was the case there wouldn’t be terms for wifey, slut, whore, freak, etc.”

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“I’ve been fortunate to have “relations” with women who were never boring. Well, except for one which ironically was the one I lost my virginity to. She just laid there while I was pumping away. No excitement at all. But after that experience I’ve dealt with adventurous women (i.e. Public sex, either at my job during office hours, on a rooftop, a stairway at my college during school hours, at a radio station while on a break, or in a club bathroom), experimental women (i.e. Toys) and women who made sex exciting mainly because they were in tuned with their bodies and know EXACTLY what they like done to them, which varied from each women. For example, I dealt with a woman that just wanted me to play with her breast because she came off of just that. What also made the sex exciting is the energy me and that person had. I’ve had one who would come off of giving me head. Communication on what were our turn-on’s and turn-off’s played a major role in this. I haven’t had a “dead fish” since my first.

No, not all women are the same in bed. Different women have different things that turn them on in bed. If you get intimate with a woman who loves foreplay and take that experience to the next woman who isn’t into foreplay, you’re going to be scrambling to find out what she likes on the fly. This will probably make for a terrible experience for the woman who doesn’t like foreplay. As a man, you have to treat pleasing different women like you’re training for a series of boxing matches. You have to scout each partner to see what makes them weak in the knees.”

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“Hell, no. In my experience EVERY woman is different. From what turns them on to what turns them off, no two women are the same. No, they are all different as well. Some women do just lay there and others know what they want. Some women hate performing oral and others love it. That’s what I am saying — women are all different.”

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“Whoever thinks all women are the same in the bedroom probably had two, three partners in their life max. I’ve never heard something so ridonkulous in my life. I’m merely answering to refute the claim all women are same in bedroom, which is ludicrous. Now, if you want me to explain all the types of women I’ve had in the bedroom…there isn’t enough space on your server for all of them.”

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“Nah I don’t think so. It is like cars…realistically…all cars do the same thing. But some drive better than others, look better, and got WAY more features. All girls are different in the bedroom in my opinion.”

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“This is a corny question. No they’re not all the same. You got prudes, freaks, gymnast, porn stars, workers, dead fish, stinky fish, trini’s, and so and so and so on.”

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“Hmmmm….all the same…definitely not. Some women are freaky…other women will not lick your ball useless there was marriage talk at dinner. It’s hard to impress someone. But I don’t think all women are the same. It’s like saying every guy is the same.”

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“Pussy isn’t all the same. The anatomy of a women changes and varies depends on genetics and what type of sexual activity she’s engaged in. The locker room talk about “loose” women is VERY true. I’ve slept with the “average” many times and have also had both ends of the spectrum in terms of tightness/looseness. Also, wetness is dramatically different from woman to woman. I’ve had everything from the Sahara to Niagara. Tightness and wetness are the two major criteria that make women very different in bed.”

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“Most definitely not. Even if they look the same and act the same as the next chic, they will not do the same moves or moan the same way. Even if they’re identical twins and finish each others sentences, I gar-an-tee they both get down different in the bed. Granted pussy is pussy but, like my mans told me, “ain’t no pussy like new pussy.” And I think that’s part of the allure of being with different women for a lot of us. It’s always a new experience, good or bad.

One girl might only like riding or missionary, while the next likes for her hair to be grabbed while getting back shots and watching VHI (true story). Some girls like lights on, others lights off. Some like music some don’t. Just like every person is different, every girl is different in the bedroom.”

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“All Women are different sexually. They vary in terms of experience and “extroversion”. Some women are shy and others are straight freaks. Every woman is different as a person and as a sexual being”

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“All women are definitely NOT the same in bed in any aspect. Any guy that says that has the sexual aptitude of a teenager. Obviously-there are certain general rules that apply. Guys and gals like to cum, no shit. Seriously however, women in bed are as different as their personalities; from their likes/dislikes to how comfortable they are experimenting new things. My homegirls joke with me that I have a “stripper-esque” taste. This is simply because in my opinion they seem to be more comfortable with being exposed, which to me; the more comfortable you are with your self and with your partner, the better the experience will be. So from a guy, no, every woman is different in bed. Don’t be scurred to try new things-that’ll definitely eliminate any blanket generalization.”

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Dear Kinyetta -

I hope these men answered your question.

LMAO!

Special thanks to the Men’s Department aka the wonderful men who answered my call and will occasionally be offering their opinion on topics that need a man’s touch.

- SG

Dear Single Girl: Can I Be Allergic To My BF’s Semen?

STSG — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 04:44:49 +0000

Dear SG -

I allow my boyfriend to cum in me. Something I really like, and yes I am on birth control. The thing is sometimes it causes a burning feeling inside. I don’t know why it happens. Is it my body fighting the foreign fluid? Any answer or suggestion to another source would help thanks.

- Burning Up

Dear Burning Up -

This is a very interesting question. It is also one that I can not answer; a doctor I am not. Luckily for you, I know several coochie doctors and forwarded your question to them. Below you will find their responses.

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Dr #1:

The Burning infection could either be an infection he or she has. Another possibility is she may have some sort of trauma in the vagina like a superficial laceration from intercourse. Perhaps he is a little ruff. I would recommend STD testing for her and him (Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Trichomoniasis) and a urine test for her.

She may also suffer from a non-STD vaginal infection such as Bacterial Vaginosis or a yeast infection.

Dr #2:

It should not burn….if it does, she should check for a vaginal infection. It could be a non sexually transmitted infection, like a yeast infection or Bacterial Vaginosis. Or it could be an STD….either way I’d go to a gynecologist and get checked!

There is a chance that it may not be an infection but an allergic reaction to semen. It’s called Human Seminal Plasma Hypersensitivity. It can be diagnosed by seeing if you have symptoms only when having sex without a condom. If this is the case it can be officially confirmed by seeing an allergist who will do skin testing. The most serious thing about this is that the allergy can worsen with each exposure and eventually lead to an anaphylactic response, which can include swelling, hives, and possible problems breathing.

My advice, try using condoms and seeing if symptoms improve. If so, then go see your Gyn or internal medicine doctor and get a referral to an allergist. Once the diagnosis is confirmed you can use condoms only or try a histamine blocker that will make the reaction less. You must use it approximately 30 minutes before intercourse.

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Burning Up -

I hope this helps you.

See, I’m more than just a dirty mouth. I help people too!

- SG

“Dear SG: Small Town Girls Have It Hard”

STSG — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 05:07:53 +0000

I know this photo selection is all types of wrong! lol

Dear SG,

I read the post ”Why You Can’t Find a Good Man“. As usual the information was on point. Unfortunately, the information didn’t apply to me for the simple fact that:

1 – I did not go to college

2 – I don’t have a big shot career, although I am independent and work for my family businesses.

I am good looking and I have no problem getting men. The thing is, I don’t live in a big city like the ATL, MIA. I live in a small town in FL and all the men in my area are either in jail, taken, no good, or gay (not to mention the thug wannabes). For women like me I feel we are the ones that are truly at a disadvantage because a lot of the advice given is for women with major careers or who live is big cities. The types of man we want are nonexistent in our areas.

My question is: Do I settle or do I just get used to being single?

- Small Town Girl

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Dear Small Town Girl -

I want to be very sensitive to your situation (see I do have a heart) and didn’t want to give you a checklist of things you should do or sell you a pipe dream. I may live in a big city and my career status is questionable (keep clicking on these pretty ads and I may be able to pay my rent next month). Like you, I am single and can tell you the same problems you have finding a quality guy is the same problem all women in the world face.

What I think happens with a lot of women is that we take the Hollywood version of what dating, romance and our ideal mate should be and apply it to our lives like “If it worked for Julia Roberts it must work for me”.

Reality is there are good guys all around but don’t listen to me. For your question, I enlisted the help of Mr. Southern Comfort, who lives in a small-ish town in the south .

He raises some good points.

- SG

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Dear Small Town Girl -

Some of the things you have listed are the answer to your questions. You can’t find a man cause a good bit are in jail, gay, no good or thugged out!

In this day and time, I rejoice in the fact that a woman says they do not want a less that desirable man! So many times I spot a couple and wonder how the hell that fine ass girl is with that loser!

At any rate, the things that you have said about yourself tell me that you don’t sit idle. Small Town Girl, it’s clear you want bigger and better things for yourself. I, myself, am from a somewhat small town in South Carolina. I say somewhat because I know someone close to me that calls our state’s most citified city still country. [SG Note: That someone would be me!]

There are good men in even the smallest of towns. The same basic rule applies to women in both big cities and small town girls. Women want a man who is a stand up guy who can provide and love you.

In your case, your Mr. Big may be the guy who owns a barbershop! He might be the local firefighter or own the local mom and pop store! When you aren’t in the big city you have to learn to look past outer appearances. The man of your dreams may be a mechanic, who has grease under his nails. Should you count him out just because he smells like Pennzoil?

Another option to help in your search is a change of scenery. Maybe you should apply to grad school, a job out of state, a fellowship, anything that pays/improves you and allows you to get out of your element. When you are new to a place, it pushes you to step outside of yourself and be open. Opening up is a sure way to meet people, guys you never cared to notice before.

I hope my $0.02 helped you in some way. Don’t think any less of yourself because you are a small town girl. Just know what you are looking for might not be in the package that attracts you from jump.

If you have any other questions hit up the Single Girl. She knows how to find me!

- Mr. Southern Comfort

Dear SG: Should I Celebrate My One Year Anniversary?

STSG — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 16:41:58 +0000

I received this letter last week but had to get some clarification on the issue at hand. Below, you will find the correspondence with the reader “One Year Later”.

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Dear Single Girl -

Next week is my one year anniversary. I’ve been thinking what I want to do with my guy but my friends seem to think that I’m not really in a relationship at all. He and I have been dating, we hang out and the sex is great. We don’t have titles but we are exclusive. SG, should I celebrate our anniversary or not?

- One Year Later

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One Year Later -

I really need to know a lot more about the status of this “relationship” before I can give my thoughts on it. Firstly, you mentioned that you two don’t have titles. If a stranger asked do you have a boyfriend, what would your answer be? Secondly, what is keeping you two from being in a committed, labeled relationship? Third, do you love him? And most importantly, has he ever said “I love you”?

- STSG

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Dear Single Girl -

Your questions are like the same ones my friends ask me. Here are my answers:

1. I never say I have a boyfriend, but will say that I am dating someone exclusively. I only refer to him as either “my friend” or by his first name.

2. When we first started dating it was more of a friend with benefits type thing but grew into something more. We’ve spoke about us and what we want but he expressed early on that he wasn’t looking for a relationship. We’ve been going with the flow since.

3. Yes.

4. No.

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One Year Later aka No Love -

I hope you peeped my new name for you. If your boo hasn’t told you he loves you after a year of being in whatever it is you two are in, chances are what you think you have is nothing at all. It’s a house of sand and fog build on a foundation of sand. All too often women will try to turn a booty call into a husband and the success rate of that transformation is .000009.

No love, don’t you dare play yourself talking about a damn anniversary. You’d be better of going out with friends in your “fuck me pumps” and find a man who wants you, all of you, for himself, outright. This guy has been getting the milk for free and you want to congratulate him for that? That is what your celebrating this mock “anniversary” will do.

Now, I’m not blaming this guy for doing what you’ve allowed him to do. You should take some credit in this mess. It’s clear that you want a real relationship and this is not it. Instead you decided to stick around hoping that he will see how great you are (which I am sure you are), change his mind about not wanting to be in a relationship and show up at your door with a bouquet of red roses professing his love.

Girl, this is not going to happen. What will happen is you will smarten up or have your heart broken so badly that you will have no choice but to leave. Once you are gone and he isn’t getting that attention from you he will come back saying how much he misses you and wants you. Don’t fall for it. This is the age old trick of “I’m a man and my ego is bruised because you aren’t here to stroke it.”

I hope I answered your question.

Be strong, be smart.

- STSG

Dear Single Girl: My BF Makes me Throw Up!

STSG — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 19:54:50 +0000

Dear Single Girl,

I’ve been trying to figure out a way to write this scenario down without sounding too gross. My boyfriend loves when I please him below the belt. I use to like giving pleasure to men but that was before I got with him. He is huge and every time I go down I gag. A couple times I even threw up. Yes, all over him. I even think he liked it. I don’t want to stop giving him oral because we are in this relationship together and I believe in reciprocity. I could get away with giving him oral but it takes forever for him to come. I’m talking 20 minutes minimum. What’s a girl to do?

- Not a Deep Throat

Dear Deep Not a Deep Throat,

I feel your pain. You want to show your BF you love pleasing him but you also don’t want to ruin your vocal cords. There is def a way to find peace with the matter. If your man can’t do without head let him have it but on the condition he can’t treat your pie hole like it’s your love canal. Normally, I wouldn’t support this but in this case DT you need to become a head hunter. Men hate head hunters but if you use both hands, wrapped around the body of the shaft while you address the top your man will feel the same sensation he would if your mouth was doing all the work. Tip: Make sure everything is super lubricated. You don’t want to give him rug burn with your dry ass hands. As you go up and down, your hands should be doing the same motion.

Now, if that isn’t enough try not giving him head on a full stomach. If you know your gag reflex is super sensitive you might have to build up a tolerance. Each time you take him go a litter further than you did before and right when you feel you are about to gag take a pause for the cause and let him rest in that one spot. During that pause your mind and mouth are adjusting and calming down from the initial “I want to throw up” urge.

Let’s direct the time. Twenty minutes of straight jaw action is a bit much. You know you can lock up. Try alternating: mouth, hands, breasts, repeat. While you give your jaw a break use your hands and tea bag him. If you have enough boobs to engulf him, go for it.

I hope this helps. And think about it this way: No man has ever left his GF cause she wouldn’t deep throat or suck him off for 20 mins.

- SG

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