I don’t know about you but this holiday season is kicking my ass. There’s two weeks left until X-mas and I haven’t bought a single present. Hell, I’m not even partaking in my office’s Secret Santa. What I look like spending $30 on a co-worker I don’t really care for. Every time I hear a Christmas carol my eyes roll. Then there is the issue of this damn recession. We’re all in the same place as far as watching our paper but when you’re involved with someone your approach to the holidays (should) change. This got me to thinking and about two things: The Recession and Love. I introduce to you the Recession Love series.

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I’m bad at a lot of things: hellos, goodbye, hugs, remembering birthdays and lastly presents. Something about the pressure of going shopping, finding the right gift without asking them what they want…wheww, I just got tired thinking about it. I’m the type to ask you what you want, have you print it out with a list of stores I can get it from and give it to you unwrapped. Surprises are not my thing.

It’s not that I don’t want to show how much I value a dude, but I’m constantly thinking about what the gift means and whether I’m putting more into it him. I’m all about balance and fairness. Can’t go out looking like a sucka. Because of this I usually end up giving “sentimental gifts” aka some shit I made myself so if he ends up giving me some wackness it’s no sweat off my back. To date I’ve given old flames crocheted hats and scarfs (think Common during his E. Badu years), sweaters and a box of condoms. Trust me, I was justified in each case.

Of course when the love is new you try to put a disclaimer out there:

“Let’s make a deal, how about we don’t spend more than $50.”

“How about we just make dinner and stay home.”

“It’s OK with me if we don’t exchange gifts.”

For the record, no one wants to be the Scrooge and suggest not to buy gifts at all but one of you is always thinking it.

The easiest way to handle X-mas gifting is to add a monetary value for every month you’ve been together. Depending on your financial situation try increments of 10 or 20. This means if you been together six months you’re shelling out anywhere from $60 – $120; ten months = $100 – $200. It doesn’t sound that bad when you think about it, right?

It’s similar to the rule of the engagement ring: an engagement ring should equal 2-3 months of your man’s salary. Ladies, don’t hit your man up now trying to figure out if you’d be rocking a cubic or the real thing.

Of course this gift giving formula only applies to relationships 12 months or shorter. If you’ve been with someone for longer than a year, of course you are getting a gift and it better be a good one.

Now that the question of “How much?” is answered there is the issue of “What to give?”

When I do buy gifts I am very practical. I like to buy shit that I know is going to be used and not collect dust. I want to purchase a gift that I know will be in use for years to come. Even if we break up I want the next chick to ask where you got so and so from and you have to ‘fess up, “My ex brought me that.” Zing.

Men love clothing, gadget and video games. I don’t buy them that. I’ve been known to buy microwaves, pillows, toilet bowl cleaners…things that make his and my life easier. Sue me.

Whatever you decide to spend your money on you need to know that you should, without a doubt, buy your boo a gift. How much you spend and what to buy I’ll leave up to you.

…Says The Single Girl

Something about the lyrics made me reflect.

I’ve never loved someone just the way they were.  If anything, I’ve loved someone in spite of who they are. No matter how large or small there was always something about them I wish they’d change.

Note I didn’t say “I’d change”. The key to polishing up your boo is to get them to make the change themselves, like it was their idea. Flattery works most of the time:

“Baby, you look really nice with your Unabomber beard shaved off.”

“Honey, I really love it when you wear clothes that make you look your age and not like a thug.”

“You look so sexy when you wash the dishes.”

Another Jedi mind trick is leading by example.

You want your boo to lose the gut, you start working out and watch them get motivated when everyone is complimenting you and trying to scoop you away. Ladies, another great trick with men regarding weight loss: “Babe, I read somewhere that men gain 1-inch of penis for every 25 lbs they lose. You might have 3-inches up in there.”

If you feel this way about your mate, chances are they feel the same way about you. Men handle it differently though. Whatever it is they hate about you they usually hold it in until they can’t take it anymore. Then one day, when you’re telling him about himself his response is going to shock you to speechlessness.  He hates your cooking, your friends, your mother, your hair, your oral sex…

Total acceptance doesn’t exist.

Tyler Perry had something when he wrote about the “80-20″ theory. You have to find someone whose good out weighs the bad. Then you tell yourself, over and over again how good you have it whenever they do something that you don’t like.

“I hate it when he pees on the toilet seat, but at least he acknowledges me in public.”

…Says The Single Girl

]]> http://saysthesinglegirl.com/2009/i-dont-love-you-just-the-way-you-are/feed/ 6 http://saysthesinglegirl.com/2009/my-boyfriend-vs-my-man/ http://saysthesinglegirl.com/2009/my-boyfriend-vs-my-man/#comments Wed, 26 Aug 2009 04:35:00 +0000 STSG http://saysthesinglegirl.com/?p=667

Women who get hit on are often forced to answer the question:

“Are you single?”

To which you answer, whether its true or not:

“No, I have a boyfriend.”

Well, recently I gave that answer to a clearly older man whose comeback kinda left me stumped.

“That’s a problem. You got a boyfriend. What you need is a man. No real man wants to be called a boyfriend. You should be calling him your man. Ask him what he wants to be called. He’ll tell you.”

Since there was no “boyfriend” to ask I was left thinking about it for a while.

I’ve always called the guy I’m in a relationship with my “boyfriend”. For some reason I consider saying “my man” somewhat ghetto. Its cool as a rotating label. Something you throw out in common conversation.

“SG, what you do last weekend?”

“Me and my man went to the movies.”

That’s cool but to refer to him only as “my man” is a bit much.

I’ve played around with other title likes;

“My Significant Other”

“My Boo”

“My Future Ex-Husband”

“My Pipe Slayer”

You get the drift. Still, I keep coming back to “boyfriend”.

Wikipedia’s definition further complicates things:

A boyfriend is a person’s regular male companion in a romantic or sexual relationship^[1], which falls short of a long-term committed (eg. marital) relationship. On the other hand, the term “boy friend” (or in some areas “guy friend”) can refer to a male non-romantic and non-sexual friend.

Women don’t seem to have a problem with being call a “girlfriend” although most guys shorten it to “my gurl” or “wifey” (the later of which I am so opposed to).

I don’t plan on being single forever. You won’t catch me being 50 walking around calling my lovers “my boyfriend”. Most old people with sense call those they are with “my friend” thats code for “yeah we old but we still smash”.

Eventually the only title that I’ll be using is “my husband”. Doesn’t that have a nice ring to it?

- SG