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Make Your Home A Man Trap

Being African American there are certain New Year’s traditions that you adhere to. Firstly, you are not to wash any clothes on New Year’s day, which is why the laundromats in the hood have their own guest lists the days leading up to the end of the year. If you are southern(ish) you know you eat black eye peas and collards. Another tradition (not sure if this is steeped in black folklore) is making sure that your home is clean.

For the latter, I shut myself in and cranked up my Clark Sister’s channel on Pandora allowing the holy spirit to guide my hand as I mopped my floors, washed my dishes and folded my clothes. While I was doing this I couldn’t help but think that my place could use a “Man Trap” update. I brought this up to Manny and he told me I was being sexist.

“Why do you have to trap a man? If I said I was turning my place in to a ‘Woman Trap’ you would jump down my throat.” He is right but I won’t tell him that.

Well, let me be clear, every woman understands what the man trap is. We may not call it the same thing but our intentions are the same. When you are single, especially jumping back into the single game (like myself…hence why my posts were few and far between) you want to make sure that when you are ready to entertain at home that your gentleman caller walks into a place that is inviting, warm and shows your ability to be the woman of a domain.

There are certain things any woman can do to perfect her man trap.

Colors & Smells Are The First Impression

Men respond to colors and smells but that doesn’t mean he wants to walk into your place and feel like Hello Kitty throw up all over the place and he fell into a vat of Vanilla. I’m not saying go out and repaint your walls but know that men want to come into a place and see how they can mesh with your vibe. Bubble gum pink means you think deep down you are a princess and may be a pain in the behind down the line. Oh and please switch up the smells. Vanilla, Cherry, Apple should be eaten not the smells of choice for your place if you are over 21. Men like smells with depth. A nice frankincense or Egyptian musk are aromatic and complex.

The Empty Refrigerator is a Big Turn Off

Five words no man wants to hear: “I don’t have any food.” No one is saying you need to be Gordan Ramsey but a man wants to know that there is some nourishment in your home. If your fridge is empty down to the ice trays he thoughts are “Dang, if she can’t take care of her basic food needs…how can she take care of me?” The only woman that is allowed to not have food in her fridge is a supermodel and 99.9% of women aren’t so take a trip down to Trader Joe’s or Stop and Shop and get some cold cuts, bread, milk, chicken cutlets and interior design that ice box like your life (of future marriage) depends on it.

Get that Liquor Cabinet Cracking

I’m not a big drinker and don’t keep any in my house but when it’s time to entertain a man friend I make it a point to stock up on all of the above. Any liquor cabinet starter kit should include:

1 beer – Corona, Red Strip if you dating a West Indian
1 wine – Red wine has good for the heart and full of antioxidants
1 light hard liquor – Vodka…I hear negros are loving Ciroc these days
1 dark hard liquor – *sigh* Hennessy is still hot in the streets (I once had a guy steal my bottle of Henny. Ironically I stole it from a party myself.)

Hide All Your Magic Tricks

Sometimes a medicine cabinet isn’t enough. People snoop and will open that mirror which is why I keep all of my beauty regimins hidden far away from public view. Him stumbling upon you weave glue or fake eyelashes is not cute. Spanx, tampons, makeup…lock it away. Once he lays eyes on that he is minded of all of the work you had to do to look the way you do that night and then he wonders “What the hell does she look like under it all?” Don’t pull back the fourth wall on him just yet.

Big Screen, Big Sound

It’s 2012 and you know they sell 47-inch TVs for like $300 nowadays, which means if you are a chick acting like your 20-inch tube TV is cutting it cause “I don’t even watch TV like that” is no longer an excuse. Get some surround sound while you at it too. If this guys turns into your boo you would want to be able to have him and his (cute) friends over to watch the Superbowl so your single thirsty friends can stop asking you to hook them up.

(And for the down the line)

Your Bedroom Says A Lot About You

No, he’s not looking to see how many counts your sheets are. He doesn’t care if you have a sleigh bed or a dust ruffle. The first thing a man thinks about when he walks into your bedroom is all of the various places he can get up in them buns. Dresser? Check? Chaise lounge? Double Check. Wall mirrors? Definitely looking at myself in that while he’s hitting it from the back. Just be sure that your furniture is sturdy. No one wants to end up on the floor cause your Ikea bed crumbled after a couple of hard pumps.

5 Responses to “Make Your Home A Man Trap”

  1. I WONDER IF I HAVE FALLEN FOR THE ULTIMATE MAN TRAP? YOU GIRLS ARE GOOD…SMH

  2. Genius.

    So smart.

  3. Just the thing I need…. ;) he is my boo n im his boo et but i need that ring… i need to spruce my home up n put food in my fridge… he does mention that a lot now that I’ve read it… .thx single girl xxx

  4. What is silly is this stuff would probably actually work on some men. The problem is if your changing your home to fit a man/men then you are too willing to compromise who you are for the opposite sex. And once he finds out that the fridge stocked with Red Stripe runs out after date 3 and the 47in TV goes back to the furniture rental he’s going to be on to the next dumb b*tch that thought these things were the answer. Ridiculous.

  5. Man trap? I think I’d prefer for the man to want to be there willingly lol but that being said, one should always have a nice clean home ready for any sort of visitor/guest, not just a future husband. It’s just one of those womanly things to do.


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