Now That You’re Married, Want To Date Me?
A couple months ago, I got a new phone. Good bye team blackberry, hello android.
The only thing that sucked about ditching my blackberry was losing BBM. You know, the easy way to talk to people you don’t really want to talk to. After a week, I realized that without BBM I had to actually call folks to see how they were doing. I decided to call “Derek”. He and I had gone on a couple dates years back, we could never get on the same pageas far as our timing but we remained flirty friends. I entered his name into the keypad and as it dialed I noticed the his avatar was that of a kid.
Derek: Hey SG! What’s going on?
SG: Nothing much. I don’t have BBM anymore so I just wanted to call and see how you are doing.
Derek: I’m good.
SG: I just got this phone but I see when you call it shows your FB profile photo and a kid showed up. Did you have a kid?
Derek: Yeah, I did.
SG: When did this happen. That’s a kid, like walking, talking.
Derek: [Laughs.] He’s 11 months old.
Backstory: Derek and I had gone on a couple dates but never really connected. He was one of those guys who does everything right. Owns a home, good job, was planning for his future family. So when he told me he had a baby, naturally I knew that meant….
SG: So, you’re married?
Derek: Yeah. I’m married.
SG: Congrats! (I really was happy for him. There was nothing going on between us)
Derek: Yeah, thanks.
Now, since it was after 10:00pm and I know better than to call a married man after that hour (unless it’s family or an emergency), I tried to get off the phone.
SG: Well, I just wanted to see how you were doing.
Derek: Why you rushing off the phone? I want to know what’s going on with you.
SG: I’m good.
Derek: We need to get up, I haven’t seen you in forever.
SG: Yeeaaahhh, it’s been a while. What do you have in mind?
Derek: I don’t know. Maybe we can link up this week after work. I can come pick you up from your job. We can do dinner and I can take you home.
*Cue record scratching*
Is this man asking me out on a date minutes after telling me he is married with a kid?
Yes, ladies and gents. He was.
I’ll give you the cliff notes:
I didn’t believe that he was for real so I didn’t refuse or oblige. I thought it would go away on it’s one. Four days later he texts me.
Derek: Hey, are you ready for tonight?
Derek: I got it all planned. Dinner in the city and I’ll take you back home.
SG: Wait…are you really married?
Derek: Yes, is that going to be a problem?
SG: No, I’m glad you are married.
Derek: I was waiting for you but you weren’t ready.
I’m not going to address that…
SG: What does your wife have to say about this?
Derek: What, I can’t have friends?
I didn’t respond.
I thought about what had transpired.
Initially, I took offense. What made this guy think that I would be his mistress? It’s funny how men try to rub marrying you in your face after they’ve married someone else. But, then I remembered what Queen Mother Oprah said. People try to test your boundaries and it is up to you to put them in place. I wasn’t having it!
Sure, I’m single but I’m not desperate and while he wasn’t doing a good job of hiding his true intentions, I was not about to have a married man wine and dine me and try to get some of this cookie for dessert.
I’ll be honest, there was a time when I would have considered it. I would have sat across from him at dinner and tell myself “his wife is so wack.” Beside, in the mind of an insecure women it has to be his wife’s fault that he wants to take me out. He must only be with her for the kid.
Many women do this and they do it because they think it is what they deserve. Women also do this because women love to attack other women (that’s another story).
Needless to say, I erased his number.
Cute kid though.