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Never Ask a Man What He Thinks About You

BlackManTalking

His name was Fred. My aunt hooked us up on a blind date. He was tall and handsome. It’s always the cute ones that end up being weird. He was in his 30s but had a bullshit job.  He lived in a sparsely furnished studio apartment. He refused to eat vegetables and threw out pennies.

Yes, it soon became clear that this man wasn’t the one but he did offer up one of the best pieces of dating advice that I still adhere to.

We were out to dinner when I asked what he thought about my outfit.

Fred: You look great but I’m going to tell you something my mother told me. Don’t ask a man what he thinks about your hair, clothes, makeup, etc.

SG: Why?

Fred: You have to understand the way men think. Once you ask a man to give his opinion you open up a door that you can never close again. He will continue to give his opinion even when you don’t ask and chances are you won’t like what he has to say.

SG: So I should never ask what a man thinks?

Fred: Just don’t ask him what he thinks about something you are sensitive about.

SG: How will I know if a man likes the way I look?

Fred: We’ll tell you, “Babe, I like that dress on you.”

SG: And if you don’t like something?

Fred: Men operate on extremes. Either you look so amazing that we have to tell you or you look fool and we have to let it be known so that you don’t make us look bad. If you are somewhere in the middle, chances are he won’t say anything.

From that moment forth, my approach to holding a conversation with a man I’m dating was forever changed.

Women tend to think that asking a man what he thinks is a way to bring the two of them closer. In actuality, a woman badgers a man about their opinion in order to feed her own insecurities. Women need to hear things even if it’s something they already know to be true.

The problem with her asking questions is that he isn’t going to want to lie. Men can’t lie about certain stuff (except for cheating) especially to a woman they care about so stop asking if you look fat in your jeans when you know you had to lie on the bed to get them on. Don’t ask him if he likes your new hair. Let him notice it on his own. Basically what Fred taught me was: Women, stop fishing for compliments because there’s a good chance when you throw the line into the water, you aren’t going to like what comes back on the hook.

- Says the Single Girl

14 Responses to “Never Ask a Man What He Thinks About You”

  1. I have never asked a man what he thought about me simply because, what do they know about hair, clothes, make-up etc. anyway? My gauge is my mirror. Frankly if I like it, he probably loves it and if not, good thing it’s not him wearing it right?
    I find more men ask ME what I think about them and to me that is exactly what you said. “Fishing for a compliment.” It’s annoying, and a huge turn-off. I agree with your date, if I had something to say…a compliment, how I feel about you or otherwise, I would just say it. It’s all about honesty. When it comes to dating, the fact that you are out together haivng fun shows your interest, you don’t always have to “discuss” every little trivial detail.

  2. Very good article, I aim to have many of the females in mine and my friend’s lives read this. It is extremely true and having had my share of uncomfortable back and forths based on the very ideals you lay out here, its good to read about it and see that – I was just being a man.

    I hate the empty “fishing” questions and it has forced me into lying when that isnt even my nature. Women… I swear.

  3. He’s right.

    I hate being too honest with females because I get treated like I did something wrong.

  4. “FRED” is an idiot. A MAN is capable of know what to say and when to say it even in response to a question. Keep in mind that this is the man that threw out pennies and refused to eat vegetables. That’s behavior that I would expect from a 1st grader. But I digress, his mom gave him advice on how to be a man? I’m not saying a woman can’t give advice on how to be a man because my mom did a great job of raising four men on her own. But his mom taught him how to think as a man. I’m sorry, but my mom can teach me about acceptable social behavior because that’s interactive but my thoughts are generated from within controlled by male hormones – the levels of which are different in the genders.

    You are well in your right to ask the man you’re dating his opinion on your hair. Now he can say he likes it or doesn’t, but you asked. I would guess a MAN is dating you because he likes the “package” not on one particular night put in general. I would also not advocate fishing for compliments because that does come off as disingenuous.

    Nothing is wrong with asking your date/man/friend what’s their opinion on anything. Us grown folk call that communication. If one can’t handle communication they may need to work on that flaw.

    Just a thought from The N-Visible Man.

  5. This is a great post…it gave me a good laugh during a long day at work. You know the best jokes are the ones with some truth mixed in.

    I don’t know if I can stop myself from asking. That will be hard…but I’m passing this link on to all my friends!!!

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  7. WILL IM AND A RELATIONSHIP WITH 2 MEN AND I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO, BOTH OF THEM FELL THE SAME WAY ABOUT ME I HAVE FELLING FOR BOTH OF THEM THE SAME WAY IT’S LIKE WHEN I AM WITH ONE OF THEM THE NEXT ONE KNOWS ABOUT IT TAND THEN DONT TALK TO ME AND THAN I MAKE UP WITH HIM AND HERE COME THE OTHER ONE CALLING ME AND KNOWING I CANT PICK UP THE PHONE BECUZ I AM WITH THAT PERSON AND THIS JUST GO ON AND ON…AND ONE OF THE GUYS IS MARRIE AND IN THE PROCESS NOW GETING A DEVOICE AND THE OTHER GUY JUST GOT HOME FROM JAIL DOING 9 YEARS AND I BEN DEALING WITH THE MARRIE GUY FOR 9 YEARS WHICH IS NOT SO GOOD HEY THING HAPPING. NOW BOTH OF THEM IS JUST RUNING ME CRAZY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO I GOT LOVE FOR BOTH OF THEM THE SAME WAY I CAN GO ON ..PLEASE TELLL ME WHAT TO DO MZZ. JAZZYLADY

  8. Great advice! Thanks for sharing. I’m definitely passing this on to others, I was never one to ask what a guy thought but I know ladies who do!

  9. I asked “The Crooner” (who I mention in my blog) what he thought of me after months of sleeping together and this is what he said:

    “I think your sweet and funny”

    That’s ALL?!?! I said thank you, that is all I needed to know. buh-bye.

  10. You don’t have to ask a man how you look.Because when you look good you know you looking GOOD.It’s the same way when you look frumpy.

  11. @The N-Visible Man
    I couldn’t agree with you more. Fred sounds like a momma’s boy with a twisted outlook on reality. If you’ve been dating and don’t feel comfortable asking your significant other what they think of your apparel……..NEXT!

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