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The Wedding Invitation

wedding invitation

“SG, when the fuck did inviting the ex to the wedding become the move??!!”

Manny has a problem. He’s a great guy, so great in fact that most of his exes still consider him to be a friend.

One has just mailed him an invite to her wedding. He’s not happy about it.

“No idea,” I offer. “Guess they think we adults”

I’m dying laughing because I could tell by his voice over the phone he was sitting on his couch looking at the invitation on his coffee table probably rubbing his forehead.

“Where’d they get that bullshit idea from?” He is clearly torn. A part of him is honored while the majority of him is offended.

I don’t know what makes people invite their ex to their wedding. The person who sent the invite is nuts for thinking that their past intimacies with the invitee won’t come to surface, even if its just in the mind. The big “What If” is going to hit as soon as they see each other on the wedding day. They may even be subconsciously hoping the ex speaks up when that time comes up in the vows (you noticed people have cut that out from the ceremony). Maybe the to-be-wed wants to make the ex feel like shit.

Most times its not done out of spite but a lapse in judgement. The person who has moved on is on a completely different plane of existence. They’re not seeing the ex as a past lover with lingering emotions/resentment. They see them as two more eyes focused on them, on their day and another gift.

Exes also truly believe that since they’ve moved on and are happy you must be in the same place. Its the reason why whenever you talk to them you ask “So, are you seeing anyone.” When you say no they go on to tell you why you’re so great and how you deserve an amazing partner. All the shit they wasn’t saying to keep you two together.

Perhaps the bigger question is : What would make you want go to your ex’s wedding?

Vengeance? Resolve? Punishment?

One person’s lapse in judgement shouldn’t be your downfall. OK, so they invited you their wedding but that doesn’t mean you have to go. Some major factors in your decision to go should include:

- How long did your relationship last?

- How did it end?

- How long ago did it end?

- What kind of friend have you two been to each other since ending it?

- Do you still love/want them?

You don’t want to go to a wedding when part of you feels like you shouldn’t be there. You end up, the known ex, walking in with that searching look on your face. You know the one where you try to find that familiar face, someone from your ex’s life who you were cool with — a friend, cousin, mother. Someone who will validate you coming: “Oh, its so good to see you.” Only then will you relax and tell yourself you’re happy you came.

Then at the reception, someone will make their way over to say hello to you. Thanks to the open bar they blurt out to the table “You know this is [Bride/Groom]‘s ex. We thought for sure you’d be the one up there.”

O-M-G.

You smile graciously but inside you want to run for the hills. To make matters worse you brought a date, who knew nothing about your past relationship.

A W K W A R D.

At some point you expalin that your relationship was so long in the past and hype up your “friendship” as if the ex is your BFF “even though we don’t talk or see each other often.”

Of course I didn’t tell Manny any of this. I was enjoying his disgust too much.

…Says the Single Girl

9 Responses to “The Wedding Invitation”

  1. Because of this post I am going to take a poll of ALL my old flames and see what kind of responses I will get. I’ll come back and post in a couple of days and report on what they say. I would invite every last one of them to my wedding. We are not BFF’s but we communicate frequently (Facebook,etc.). Some more than others. And isn’t that what RSVP’s are for? Just because you invite them doesn’t mean they HAVE TO show up. But knowing them the way I do, they would ALL show up with a date for sure…. LOL

  2. Wow…….I’m not sure what Manny was contemplating, bcuz unless they were NEVER intimate, I don’t see the issue. HE should NOT go, plain and simple. Past EX’s don’t need to get any attention (and U outlined MANY of the negative reasons they might get unwanted and unneeded attention) at your EX’s wedding. Wish them well from a distance, but ppl become EX’s for a reason. Hanging out, going to events, attending weddings–are activities EX’s should not do if they are to truly eva move on and ever allow the fam to STOP dreaming about what coulda been. It’s not like inviting the neighbor you vaguely knew, this is a person who has seen you NAKED…been all up inside your body..done things, some unspeakable!!!! with and to you…Naw, your spouse doesn’t need that type of visual imagery on your wedding day. Leave the EX’s to find other friends having weddings, but not ppl you used to f*ck. And yeah, we all have a past…but nobody’s gotta see the ppl you used to screw live and in-person, unless it’s some random occurrence.

  3. If I ever get married, I don’t think I would be inviting an EX. If we broke up it was for a reason. I have no need to still be friends. NEVER would I invite my EX to my wedding.

  4. Interesting. Maybe I’m strange, but I’m part of the wedding party for an ex. No strange feelings. No wondering what ifs. It didn’t work out, we’ve both moved on and are the best of friends. But again, maybe I’m strange.

  5. WWWWoooooo!!!I came acorss a great hot black & white dating site.

    If you put “B L A C K W H I T E” and “R O M A N C E” together, then you will get the url.

    It’s a nice and free place for SINGLES- a nice and free place for singles- black & white, to interact with each other. Maybe you wanna check out or- tell your friends.

  6. I liked this post for many different reasons. My ex fiancee asked me to attend his wedding. I rudely declined, he had not business calling me in the first place and I honestly think he invited me knowing that I would say NO. I don’t even know if he was truly getting married, he did not mention being in a relationship until I mentioned that I was in a relationship…

    Some people’s children…

  7. My ex was a part of my wedding and we didn’t have a problem with it. But at his recent wedding his wife to be had a problem with me even attending even though we live hours away from each other and rarely see each other. We were BEST FRIENDS before we attempted the romantic relationship and love each other dearly. So receiving a wedding invitation from an ex wouldn’t be a problem for me but I would question why Manny was offended. She obviously thinks highly of him. If attending is too much decline and move on. Where is the offense? Unless he still has feelings.

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