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Recession Love: Let’s Shack Up

Keys

I always considered moving in with someone to be monumental. For starters I don’t really see myself living with a boo before marriage, possibly during an engagement but no sooner than that. Sure, couples move in together all the time; many of them with no intentions on getting wed. Still, I can’t downplay shacking up and what it means to me.

Now that we’re essentially all tittering on the verge of poverty, the thought of co-habitating for the sole purpose of splitting the bills has entered my mind. Now that I’m dating the topic comes up all the time.

When discussing my status “do you live together” is easily in the top 3 questions asked somewhere in the mix with “how long you two been together” or “what’s his name”? Even though I’m attached there is a part of me that still thinks like a single woman. Its like on Living Single when Kyle and Max started dating. They had to remind her she was with him. I’m not that bad but close. Perhaps I should have named this blog “Until I get Married” like the homie Jozen, keeping it nice and broad, not offending anyone I date.

Back to living together…

There are two types of people in the world: those who believe you should live with a mate before marriage in order to truly see if they are the one and those who don’t. Think back when your parents were our age. Folks met, dated and married in less than 2 years. Months into it they knew this was their future spouse and they hadn’t even had oral sex or hit the backdoor yet alone live together. Still they knew…

My friend Farrah has lived with every single boyfriend she’s had, starting in college. Four boyfriends (and one girlfriend) later, she sees herself moving in with the next love of her life.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever get married so why not play house. If the relationship works and he proposes at least we’ve established a routine that works in our household.”

After living with her bf of 6 years for 4 years, Talia vowed to never do it again.

“I moved across the country for my ex. He was sweet about it. We went apartment hunting. I decorated. He brought me a car but after 4 months all the newness was gone and he thought he had a live in maid. I mean he stopped being a boyfriend and became a brat.”

Living together has become more an act of convience than careful planning. Whenever I think about shacking up one truth strikes me to my core, shaking the daydream from my head:

When you move in with someone the only way for you to no longer live with them is to break up. Period end of story.

You can’t just wake up one day and say “Boo, its been great living with you these last two years but I’m tired of smelling your farts in bed and wiping down the toilet seat every single time I go to use the bathroom cause you’ve dripped all over it. I love you, want to be with you but I’m moving out.”

You might as well had said “I’m cheating on you; it’s over.”

I had two friends who shacked up – one male and one female. When both of me told me they were moving out of their respective apartments shared with their significant others my intial response was: “Is everything ok?”

They both proclaimed their relationships were great and this was just about space…blah, blah, blah.

Within weeks both their relationships were over.

While the poor person in me can justify living with my boo for financial gain the realist in me is banging pots and pans to wake poor me up before I make a big mistake.

…Says the Single Girl

10 Responses to “Recession Love: Let’s Shack Up”

  1. I too have always thought that shacking up was meant for marraige or engagement. Its another level to your relationship and something new to experience together. Shacking up before marraige really gives the man no incentive to marry a woman..he/they can become comfortable and marraige gets pushed back.

    I have friends that have lived together for 5 years, got engaged…and recently called the wedding off..and now someone has to move out…this wouldn’t be an issue had they waited till marraige to move in.

  2. oh yeah, Great blog, I really enjoy it!

  3. I’m in the category of live w/ someone to see if it’s right. Not that you should live with everyone, especially the early bf’s who are more about fun and pissing off your parents than a serious future.

    I know plenty of couples who have lived together and broken up, but to me, that means the relationship must not have been right.

    I recently moved in with my bf — never lived with a guy before — and it’s been AWESOME. Maybe I’m just lucky, but he even cleans up after himself. :o )

  4. I’ve always on position of don’t do it.

    I think that before marriage I believe there should be something left to the imagination. I mean if you’re already having sex gosh please leave something even if it’s just sharing as seemingly small all your time.

    I don’t think people have the initiative to change or move on within the relationship when they already have everything a married couple has.

    I hate to say this but old people had it right on this one, “Why buy the cow if get the milk for free?”

  5. WOW! Something to think about. My BF will be moving in with me next week. He got a contract to work in the city where I live. We met here on his last contract 9 months ago. We have maintained a great, though sexually frustrating, long distance relationship since he left 7 months ago. I guess this moving in thing has everything to do with expectations. He’ll be living here for 4 months and after that I guess we’ll see what the future holds. I am excited because he truly has become my best friend and I miss “being” with him every day. We have great communication so we will be discussing our options soon after he arrives. We’ll take this together time to really explore our relationship and see where this goes.

  6. We gotta stop this “why buy the cow” B/S bcuz it pre-supposses that a woman get’s NOTHING out of sexual intercourse. Y’all get a lot and many of you have been with dudes mostly bcuz of his sex work, so stop with the goodie too-shoes fairy tales. But I do think you should keep separate households. Moving in leaves NO where to run, no refuge. If we’re not married, I likely don’t want to see you every day…lol….bcuz, how else will I miss you? Having you’re own place, where you can do what you want without considering anyone else is PRICELESS–until you decide to get married……

  7. Very true!

    After living with a guy for 6 years (no engagement – never mind marriage) I felt more like his mother than his g/friend.

    My own space, became “our” space.
    My daily routine was infiltrated with “his” routine.

    Suffice to say, the enjoyment faded, the comfortableness set in and it was me who had to make the break.

    Although I still think I would have to live with somebody before I married them? You can’t win can you! ha!

    The jury is still out on this one for me…

    Great blog!!!

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  9. So..I’m with you on this.. I not in favor of living with someone until engagement or marriage. I honestly don’t know what that transition will be like when its time for it to happen.. God help me *and him*.

  10. You’ve got great insights about whore house love shack, keep up the good work!


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