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Will Your Man Take Your Last Name?

Jay Z and Beyonce chain

Have you heard? Jay-z may be taking Beyonce’s last name. Something about since her father has no boys the name won’t be passed on. I say to that…Papa Knowles has a paternity suit pending so before Jay files for a new last name, he should see the result of that dna test. There might be a little boy walking crawling around with Beyonce’s name as you read this.

I find it interesting how attached people are to their name. I have some girlfriends who refuse to change their last name when they wed. They view it as archaic. Taking on a man’s last name like you’re his property is so old fashion.

A few years back I read an interesting article in the New York Time about couple who created their own last names. Whether it was hyphened or a complete mash up of their names, they agreed that their identity should be a merge and not a man claims all.

Oh, forgot to mention they were all white.

I don’t know how I feel about taking on a new name. I love my name. It has a nice ring to it: Single Girl. Now imagine I get married: Single [His Last Name Here]. Yeah, not so sure about that.

If I have a tad bit of a problem accepting this, you know (black) men aren’t going for it.

“Jay should change his name to Beyonce’s,” said my west coast Manny.

“Why?”

“Because he owes everything that’s happened to him since 2002 to her.”

“Would you change your last name to your wife’s?”

“Hell no.”

“Why not?”

“Because…I have a father.”

ROTFL

“My father didn’t have his dad in his life,”continued Manny. “All throughout my childhood he would always say “You’re a [His Last Name] you can do anything because you are a [His Last Name].’ My dad took great pride in our name so I can’t give that up.”

“So could you hyphenate?”

“No, I’m a traditionalist. Its my name or nothing.”

That’s a big ultimatium. Marriage is all about compromise. I down for legally changing my name but I told myself many years ago that if I were to get married after having already establishing myself in my career I would keep my maiden name publically. On my liscense, bills, etc it would be my married name but in the streets, board room call me SG.

Another thing, I’m bougie when it comes to my name. If my future husband has a wack ass last name that throws off my whole shit…I can’t. One former beau of mine had an ok name. But when we played around with my first name and his last name, no mas. Something you ordered at the deli.

He gave me to ok to keep my maiden name, no hyphenation. This was our 2nd week together. Bahhhaaa. Men think more about their last name than we think about taking it. No matter how much they deny, all men see the name change as putting their stamp of approval on a woman. You can weasle out of being with a tried ass woman.

“You dude, I saw your girl in the club juggling some dude’s balls with her tongue.”

That’s nothing compared to:

“You dude, I saw your WIFE talking to a man at the bus stop.”

As the carrier of his name, you are the mother-to-be of his legacy. You are a walking billboard, a reflection of him at all times. This is why so many men make their women go through the ringer before marriage cause they are waiting for that woman that won’t  bring shame to their name. Mind you, they can do all types of shit, but in their mind its never a reflection of you.

…Says the Single Girl

9 Responses to “Will Your Man Take Your Last Name?”

  1. Good points! My SO and I had a similar discussion, and we’re both keeping our names…By the way, I once had an acquaintance whose fiancee’s last name rhymed with her first!

  2. I’ma give you props for hittin on a semi-sensitive spot with men, but, at the same time, I don’t think you give us NEARLY enuff credit for making inroads towards a more reasonable, enlightened way of viewing this issue. IT is tradition–and ALL the history that comes with traditional things and ways of thinkin about things have value. Women may see this issue and say: Man up, many: It’s a new day. true-dat, Boo, butterah, try THIS on for size: Since you wanna minimize MY tradition, how about we re-examine the whole WEDDING event. How about getting rid of wearing a White gown and something old, something new; something blue; ditch the throwing of the garter belt B/S and all the other pomp and ceremony. How you feeling about TRADITION now? AT this point in my life, I can handle a woman keeping her last name–for whatever reason, as long as when we have KIDS, they get their daddies last name. lol

  3. Here’s my take on all of this. I am about 95% sure that I want to be hyphenated when I get married. I’m not demanding my husband take my last name or become hyphenated as well. Just let me do this, for me. Hell, our kids can solely have their father’s last name. That would be perfectly fine with me but women should definitely have a choice (especially if their husbands last name is whack–like you pointed out SG).

  4. well lets make this clear SG isn’t that smart when it comes to relationship advice the bitch is single for a reason she can not keep a man because of her fcked up views on men and for you dumb ass women that wanna be half gay or want your space or whatever shit stay single and don’t waste someones time and no i would not take a woman’s last name and if she didn’t wanna take my last name then the bitch can go on

  5. Yes, well I have to say that is good advice for anyone who thinks it’s “archaic” to just stay single. I mean if you want to avoid archaic things then avoid marriage too. That’s archaic. or better yet, avoid relationships altogether because they must be the most archaic of anything in human existence.

  6. I know I'm late, but...

    Thursday, 15th April 2010 at 10:25 PM
     

    If a man is good enough to marry, his name is good enough to take. I think it’s that simple. I think of myself as a pretty forward thinking woman, but I appreciate some “archaic” traditions. It seems that we try so hard to get away from the things that were oppressive in the past that we don’t take the time to find and understand those things that were positive. Marriage is definitely one of those things…and I’m talking about a traditional marriage, not this open, swinging, have it how you want it crap that so many people are trying to pass off as marriage today.

    Anyway, I’m just saying that if I’ve decided that a man loves, respects, protects, and provides so awsomely that I’ve agreed to participate in his forever, I have absolutely no problem taking his name. In fact, I see it as an honor to share a name with someone that fly.

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  8. Women make marrying a man such a terrible thing. To them bowing down or honoring a man is ridiculous and strips them down of their “womanhood”. If a man is worthy of your hand in marriage then why wouldn’t you take his name. If its only the beginning and one of the first decisions that are made. Maybe you need to rethink your whole view on marriage.


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