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Womb For Sale

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I’m getting older and my mother wants grandbabies.

Ladies, if you thought that was pressure, imagine the added weight of your FATHER hitting you up for grand kids!

I almost crashed the car when he made this declaration as we drove to the grocery store.

Pops: I want to introduce you to Mike.

SG: Who is Mike?

Pops: He’s tall. I think he’s about 32. He’s stable. Good-looking guy.

SG: Are you serious?

Pop: Yes, I want some grandkids.

SWERVE!

SG: What does he do?

Pops: He’s the UPS man.

SG: Pops, are you serious?!? (cue Neffy from Keyshia Cole show)

Pops: He’s been on the job for 10 years.

SG: Does he have children?

Pops: Yes, one. It don’t live with him though.

SG: Really, is that the kind of man you want me to marry? An absentee father?

Pops: I’m just saying the kid lives in another state.

SG: This conversation is over!

Ladies, you thought you felt the pressure when your mother starts on you about having kids but when your father starts…lord have mercy.

I thought about what my life would be like if I were already a mother. I would be a totally different person with a different outlook, goals, wardrobe, bedtime and bank statement.

Of course I want children but I can’t let my biological clock overrule my senses. Senses that tell me that before I think of having children I must:

1.  Learn how to keep a plant alive
2.  Get a dog (it’s like practice)
3.  Become involved in a healthy relationship
4.  Balance my checkbook
5.  Repent for all the times I’ve made fun of other people’s kids
6.  Take a trip to some far off place where I’ll never be able to go once I’m a mom

In the meantime I’ll keep dispensing unfertilized eggs.

— Says the Single Girl

Originally Posted March 12, 2009  on

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One Response to “Womb For Sale”

  1. This is too funny. I have heard so many women express the same sentiment. And usually the people urging you to have kids are the last ones wanting to babysit from what I hear.

    Ain’t that a bitch!

    As for me, my entire family knows I’m not having kids ever in this lifetime. My mom supports my decision and has never questioned me on it or given me shit about it. Ditto for my dad. My grandma tells me “you’re smart, kids will ruin your life!” LOL, and my male cousins and uncles think it’s “not right” for a woman not to have babies.

    Meh, opinion are like assholes…you gotta do you.


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