Are You Settling for a Black Man?

Sanaa said to hell with it...

Sanaa said to hell with it...

“I wonder if I should lower my standards and date a black man.”

No, this isn’t me playing devil’s advocate. This is a direct quote from a friend. She is beautiful, hella smart, body banging like a benzie and you guessed right…she’s single.

Her case is like most – she is single because she chooses to be, not outright but in indirect ways that pushes interested parties away. She’s been seeing this amazing guy for months but there’s one thing about him she can’t get over: He’s white. [Note from SG: If you haven't noticed by now, I'm black and 99.9% of the people I talk about on here are black as well.]

“I just always saw myself with a black man having beautiful black babies.”

My friend is sold out on the Cosby way of life. She admits she is bougie and all too concerned with how people are going to view her that she has held back from committing to a great guy because he’s a lighter shade of pale.

Interracial dating is a none factor in my book. I believe those who are opposed to it are just unhappy in their own lives that they want to rain on someone else’s parade.

This woman’s dilemma regarding dating outside her race isn’t what alarmed me. Its her feeling that she has to lower her standards in order to be with a black man. At first I laughed but then I let it sink in. I’m sure a lot of sisters think this why, which is why many of them stay single or go gay.

“SG, think about it. The chances of me finding a guy who is everything that I am–college graduate, middle class, straight, well traveled–and black are slim to none.”

“You really don’t think there’s a black man out there that fits that?”

“Of course but more than likely he is married, engaged, in a relationship or dating a gang of women because he knows he’s the shit.”

“Do you think you can ever get over your color complex?”

“I might just have to. My guy is amazing. He treats me better than any other guy I’ve been with.”

“So what’s the problem? So what if you end up having high yellow babies. Love is love.”

“SG, I feel you but if I meet a black guy who had 2/3 of the qualities I’m looking for I’d still might pick him over my white guy.”


54 Responses to “Are You Settling for a Black Man?”

  1. To date ANYONE that is black is NOT “lowering” one’s standards. This statement can only come from another black that IS “self-loathing.” There are LOW caliber males in every race, so please inform the sista to not get on a high-horse proclaiming that to date a black male is to “lower” HER standards. She is BLACK, her toe-tag and death certificate will reflect it this when the time comes to meet her maker. So she needs to get over herself. For if she is ‘”that quarter piece” as she states that she is, there should be no problem in her attracting “quality” black males. Maybe her attitude makes black males leery in approaching her.

    Notice that she states that she turns them down. I was always told that “there ARE two sides to every coin.” I am a black female/woman and yes, there ARE some black males that I would not date if they are not of the caliber that I like. But I am wise enough not to equate a black male with his wallet, which, on the whole, I suspect the sista of doing. Sure, I like a man that has earning potential, but guess what? If he is an A-hole? “See ya!” My OWN earning power “excites” me. If he has earnings that compliment mine, no problem for I would have something to bring to the table as well should dating blossom or deepen into something more meaningful. Understand, this is why there are many women (and not just sistas) “sleepless in Seattle” because they don’t see a man. They SEE, “it IS all about me!” Good luck with that!

    Final thought:

    There are some black males that are not perfect or without flaws. But name a man of ANY ethnicity that is not flawless. Every black male is NOT “bad or damaged goods.” The sista openly insulted and generalized black males and needed to be “checked.” She does have issues with black males, but this does not give her a pass to chit on them. And if she believes that by openly dating white men ONLY, that this gives her a direct “advantage,” she may be in for a rude awakening one day.

    If one meets or finds an indivual of low-caliber? Leave them where you found ‘emfor down the line, you may end up unhappy. It’s just that simple.

    Learn…enjoy…grow and embrace life. You will not be here forever. Maintain your “bar,” but do not be so rigid that you are unwilling to flex. Inhale the essence…of another’s aura. You might be surprised. Be willing to trust and embrace others. For if you do not?

    One day you might be left very well holding yourself. And THAT’s a picture I’d never want to see on a wall. Be sincere—I dare you.

  2. Excellent way of telling, and fastidious piece of writing to take data about my presentation subject matter, which i am going to deliver in institution of higher education.

  3. “Go gay”? People don’t ‘become’ gay. They were born gay. “I was born this way, hey” Lady Gaga.

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