When preparing for a first date with a lady they want to get up in, (some) men do very few things to make sure they are straight just in case they make it to home base:
- Pineapple Juice: Believe it or not, I’ve known dudes to drink pineapple juice in order to make their juices taste like a lollipop.
- AXE: Dudes O.D. and put this on the twig and berries to stay fresh. Gentlemen, this leaves a nasty taste and even numbs the tongue. If you are hoping to get head do not, I repeat, do not spray on the area.
- Condoms: At least two on his person at all times.
Ladies, if you are lucky, he may clean up the crib or at least change the bed sheets in the event of your arrival. You had a great first date yet he doesn’t want to come off too calculated so the crib may be a mess so that it seems like the invite was really a spur of the moment type thing.
Now, when it comes to us…Ladies, we haven’t been on point.
The reason? We swear we aren’t going to sex on the first date.
Some of you even wear the ugly draws on purpose as a sort of safety net. Like if you have on the cotton full cuts you’d be too embarrassed to let him get anywhere close to you. Then what happens? You find yourself looking for the granny panties in the dark before he offers to help you find them.
Girls, it’s 2009.
It’s time to face the facts…most of us will sex on the first date.
And there is nothing wrong with that. Let’s just be prepared like the men have been since jump. Most of this should go without saying but, here goes:
Wear matching panties and bra:
Men are very visual and the littlest things show them that you take care of yourself and the minor details.
If you get a freak who likes to eat you don’t want him rummaging through the forest when the wood should be already chopped.
Bring Your Own Condoms:
Yes, he is the one who has to wear it and should have a stash but there are too many condoms out now that pleasure you as well. If you like it ribbed, rippled or rigged, have what you like and see if he fits.
Have a Cab Number Ready:
Whether you are at his crib or yours, when the sex is over make the exit an easy one. No need to wake him up to beg for a ride home ’cause if you did it right, his ass should be knocked out.
Bring a toothbrush (But Don’t Let Him See it):
No need to ruin your first impression with hot mouth. If you break the dawn, brush them gums and leave him with a nice kiss on the cheek. Just because you two boned don’t think he wants tongue.
Freshen Up Pre-Sex:
As soon as you walk in the house after the outing, head to the restroom and freshen up even if you swear to the heavens above that you two aren’t going to get it on. STSG Tip: Wear a panty liner during the date and remove it when you get to the crib. That way when he reaches for your magic box he isn’t subjected to day old panties.
What are some of your personal Pineapple Juice-esque tips?
Originally Posted August 26, 2008 on