Negotiating a Lover



Back in my younger days, I had a lovely stable of lovers who I held on retainer. If I wasn’t in a serious relationship I could call on one (only one) to hold me down for a period of time.

Each short-term work assignment was carefully planned.

It was never to last longer than 4-5 months. After 5 months the routine would lead to feelings and a break would be in order for an undetermined period of time.

My guidelines included:

  • No more than 2 “meetings” a week
  • No questions asked about other contracts unless those contracts were being “worked out” at the same time

This was no perfect plan. Nothing ever ran smoothly. There were always problems but for the most part both parties were satisfied.

At the top of the year, I burned all contracts and have been a free agent.

Then, last week I received an IM from a guy I know pretty well.

“SG, I really am attracted to you. I’m not good at dating right now. The recession has me screwed up but I won’t mind having a no-strings attached romp with you.”


Folks, this is no way to negotiate a lover.

There is a course of action that must take place: (you know I love my lists)

1 – prior to drafting up a lover contract you must hang out with your prospect solo and in public. This allows you to see how they behave as a normal person. What you get behind closed doors isn’t who they truly are. That’s their sexual being. By getting to seem them in the outside world you won’t become tricked into think who they are in the bedroom is them all the time. Sweet lovers can be asses in public and vice versa.

2 – you have to like your prospect lover as a person and friend. Who wants to lay next to someone you don’t like or respect.

3 – learn what your lover likes. Don’t try too much, too soon and ruin what might have been a great partnership in the bed room

4 – discuss your exit plan. What will you do if things turn ugly. Who will be the bigger person?

Needless to say, I plan on turning down his offer. The market is shakey and I’d rather wait until I have a sure thing.

- SG


4 Responses to “Negotiating a Lover”

  1. I really enjoy your blog!

    Aiight…I guess you could say I’ve had the same plan but I don’t negotiate. I call them my “interim chicks” they are just something to hold me over until I find a lady that can hold my interest long enough to be my “official”.

    Interim chicks- get the greatest friendship, and the late night talks, may get a little physical but not the WHOLE entree, get the cuddles, but they get NO PROMISES and they are free to date whomever! b/c when you meet someone else its a wrap but as long as you keep close friendship with the interims you’ll always have someone in the wings

  2. SG, I really am attracted to you. I’m not good at dating right now. The recession has me screwed up but I won’t mind having a no-strings attached romp with you.

    WTF? Get on with that mess.

    I’m not really good at the no feelings thing, even when its supposed to be just a in the meantime typa deal. Moer power to those who can though.

    I dont know you but I have a feeling you relate to guys a lot more easily than most women.

  3. I am actually in a situation where I am about to start the negotiations of a fuck buddy. We already did the do, but im just hoping that it doesnt get weird. especially since we have a lot of common friends :-/


  4. Epeidi to ‘kane mia fora o ALPHA den symainei oti tha pteyxei to idio kai ston ANT1… Min ksexname oti o antagonismos itan tis plakas aytos pou ipirxe ton Septembrio sto 17:00-19:00…

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