“My Boyfriend” vs “My Man”
Women who get hit on are often forced to answer the question:
“Are you single?”
To which you answer, whether its true or not:
“No, I have a boyfriend.”
Well, recently I gave that answer to a clearly older man whose comeback kinda left me stumped.
“That’s a problem. You got a boyfriend. What you need is a man. No real man wants to be called a boyfriend. You should be calling him your man. Ask him what he wants to be called. He’ll tell you.”
Since there was no “boyfriend” to ask I was left thinking about it for a while.
I’ve always called the guy I’m in a relationship with my “boyfriend”. For some reason I consider saying “my man” somewhat ghetto. Its cool as a rotating label. Something you throw out in common conversation.
“SG, what you do last weekend?”
“Me and my man went to the movies.”
That’s cool but to refer to him only as “my man” is a bit much.
I’ve played around with other title likes;
“My Significant Other”
“My Boo”
“My Future Ex-Husband”
“My Pipe Slayer”
You get the drift. Still, I keep coming back to “boyfriend”.
Wikipedia’s definition further complicates things:
A boyfriend is a person’s regular male companion in a romantic or sexual relationship[1], which falls short of a long-term committed (eg. marital) relationship. On the other hand, the term “boy friend” (or in some areas “guy friend”) can refer to a male non-romantic and non-sexual friend.
Women don’t seem to have a problem with being call a “girlfriend” although most guys shorten it to “my gurl” or “wifey” (the later of which I am so opposed to).
I don’t plan on being single forever. You won’t catch me being 50 walking around calling my lovers “my boyfriend”. Most old people with sense call those they are with “my friend” thats code for “yeah we old but we still smash”.
Eventually the only title that I’ll be using is “my husband”. Doesn’t that have a nice ring to it?
- SG
Dc Man With a plan
Wednesday, 26th August 2009 at 10:21 AM
Hmmm, true enuff this seems to come up with regularity and many ppl try to work the “boyfriend” title to your disadvantage. I’ve heard Steve Harvey tell a caller ” you’re too old to still be having Boyfriends,” as if in this ONE instance, BOY is the emphasis. For a ‘hot-minute’ I have even felt guilty about its use and thought it defined MY character, but then I decided, screw that noise. The word “boyfriend” doesn’t define ME, but my role in a relationship, ta-hell with what others say of think, boyfriend is a universal title for a position in a relationship, not a description for who I am as a grown azz man! And you know we brotha’s tend to be REAL sensitive to anything with BOY in it, but none the less, I’m not gonna get overly sensitive to being a boyfriend until I decide again to become a husband….
Fatimah
Wednesday, 26th August 2009 at 10:51 AM
I was in Jamaica earlier this month and a friend took me to this Rastafarian cultural centre to check the scene. One guy who came over to talk with me asked if my “King-man was a Rasta or Muslim” (I’m Muslim). I kinda liked that title! I know it may come off as a bit domineering b/c of the King part, but I look @ it as a King always has a Queen, right? Don’t know if I’d use it with my man, but it’s sweet.
DC Man with a Plan
Wednesday, 26th August 2009 at 9:42 PM
The bottom line is, when the older playa told SG, ” You need a man, not a boyfriend” and when island dude spoke of “King-man” both were using a unique, updated approach to get their Mack on. Getting a woman’s attention is work, but even if you don’t get the digits, giving her something to remember you by: Priceless! Both of y’all STILL talkin and thinkin about dude…how powerful is THAT?
The Sphinx
Thursday, 27th August 2009 at 10:43 PM
OMG SG,
We’re SO twins! I think “my man” is extra ghetto, and “wifey” is bullsh!t.
I prefer boyfriend, or just call them by their names. I’ve or say “i’m in a relationship”. But something about “my man” seems played.
Miss Jenkins
Friday, 28th August 2009 at 11:26 AM
Yeah, I agree that saying “my man” sounds ghetto. (Back when I had a boyfriend/man) I sometimes hesitated because using “boy” to describe him felt off. But at the same time, like DC Man said, its just a term, and using “boyfriend” doesn’t relegate him to being a boy. He defines himself in the relationship (hopefully) as more than that.
The Bare Essentials Today
Saturday, 29th August 2009 at 1:21 PM
I completely agree, *my man* sounds totally ghetto.
Keli
Wednesday, 2nd September 2009 at 11:49 PM
He so missed the point…when a woman says. “No, I have a boifriend” that means, ‘Please leave me the hell alone!”
monette
Sunday, 11th October 2009 at 8:22 AM
yes! husband sounds much better…i’m gonna find me a real husband..
Nezzie
Friday, 16th October 2009 at 11:20 PM
I concur with all you ladies!! I can’t wait until I can say…”My husband is taking me out to dinner tonight.”…now that sounds sexy!!!
name
Tuesday, 26th January 2010 at 11:03 AM
Come on you women will never have a husband. But i don’t really mind my woman calling me her man when she says that it makes me feel good and makes me feel like i belong to her and she belongs to me boy friend thats ok to call your man when you are kids but after you grow into your 20′s boy friend does not sound right and man does not sound ghetto now if you wanna talk ghetto boo sounds ignorant and ghetto
Mimi
Tuesday, 23rd February 2010 at 1:21 AM
When the guy in the Culture center used the term ‘King-man’ he was just using typical Rastafaraian terminology.
Your man is your King and you in turn are his Queen or his Empress.
I do find it a bit weird to say boyfriend too. But until a term that I am more comfortable using comes along that’s what I’ll have to stick to because ‘my man’ as said before, just sounds So ghetto.