Married People Shouldn’t Give Dating Advice
People who are married kill me when they try to give dating advice.
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It’s like graduating high school ten years ago and coming back to your alma mater to tell the kids what it was like when you roamed those halls. All the teachers you had either died or retired. They renovated the classrooms. You’re favorite vending machine is gone.
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Once you are out of the game that’s it. Everything you knew has been morphed into what you did to get your current spouse. Married people think that whatever worked in their case will work for all the single people in the world. What they fail to understand is that their experience is uniquely different.
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There are more single people in the world than married. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce or murder. (I’ve added the latter. Been watching too much Dateline.) If you look at the numbers, married people are in the minority. Perhaps they should rally to be considered a real minority group right along with the blacks, gays and Hispanics.
If you’ve been victim to the “know-it-all-ness” of a happily wedded person take what they say with a grain of salt. Married people can’t give you great advice about dating because chances are they haven’t dated anyone other than their boo in years.
From the time they’ve been in the dating pool, men and women have come up with a new way to date or not date, a new way to have sex with no strings attached, a new way to cheat and not get caught, and a new way to give someone mixed signals.
Women who are married are the worst when it coming to getting off their high horse. Bitch, spare me. I know why I’m single and I also know that you think just because you have a ring on your finger you think you are enlightened and can address the masses like Pope Benedict. Just because you said “I Do” doesn’t give you the authority to tell me how to date. Dating is much easy to master then say getting married and more importantly staying married. If you are married you should only be preaching about how to stay married.
Marriage can only take part between two people who want to be married. Not a lot of people want to get married until they meet that person that truly impacts their life. Some people want to get married so badly but date all the wrong people. Some folks have wanted to get married since they were kids (OK, maybe just women). Others don’t feel the wedding bug until they are settled in their careers, have created a lovely life for themselves and see all their friends walking down aisle. Getting married boils down to meeting someone who is at the same point in life as you are or damn near close to it. It’s more a game of chance and luck than anything else.
I have a married friend, love him dearly, but his solution to every problem in my single life is “Just get married…”
SG: Man, I really want to go to the movies tonight.
Married Manny: If you were married you’d always have someone to go to the movies with.
~~~~~~~~~~~
SG: What should I eat for dinner tonight?
MM: I don’t know but my wife is cooking skirt steak. Can’t wait. See if you were married you’d have someone to have dinner with every night.
~~~~~~~~~~~
MM: Are you seeing anyone?
SG: Ahh, not really. This one guy is kinda cool.
MM: Show him that you are ready to get married and see what he’s about.
SG: What makes you think I’m ready to get married?
MM: You will be once you’re tired of being alone. Just get married.
The next time your married friend tries to beat you over the head with their dating tips turn to them and say, “I appreciate the fact that you made it to the promise land but on this here side of the hill I’m making due with what there is to offer. When I get to your side of the green pasture I’ll come calling for advice.”
- STSG
moonstarz
Thursday, 13th August 2009 at 11:12 AM
I guess you can’t really take too much advice from anyone then. Married people are not qualified to give it but then neither are the single and looking because well, they’re single and looking.
If you’re single and not looking to settle down then what advice is really needed anyway?
Dr. Janice
Thursday, 13th August 2009 at 1:58 PM
If you are having problems getting decent feedback and advice from your married friends, then you need to pick better friends, married & unmarried, to talk to. As a married women who has been giving advice to singles, both personally and professionally, for years, I have been told that I am the only person who has made sense!
I actually think it’s more dangerous to ask your single friends (especially single GIRLfriends) for advice because they can be afraid that your friendship will suffer if one of you has a successful relationship with a guy.
Best advice (from a married woman, me) is to choose your friends, regardless of marital status, carefully.
Kinyetta
Thursday, 13th August 2009 at 2:01 PM
Honestly, the only advice I would take from a married couple are those celebrating their 50th Anniversary!!
Kristy J.
Thursday, 13th August 2009 at 2:06 PM
There is good advice and bad advice that anyone can give you. If your friend has been in a happy healthy realtionship for several years then it would pay to hear them out. More then likely they will tell you things like, respect and trying to understand the other’s point of view is some of the main players on their stage. That advice is just good for any relationship with anyone that you may have.
Dc Man With a plan
Thursday, 13th August 2009 at 3:06 PM
lol at S.G.. U alright with me. u know how to stir some shyt up…..Any ways, married ppl CAN provide some insight into what it takes to have a lasting, respectful, sexually fulfilling relationship–which can often be what many of us single ppl are looking for, even if it doesn’t lead to marriage. How long are you going to be in a place in your life where you want to have frequent, random relationships? So long term, which for one person may be 6 months, for another a few years of companionship with the same person IS something a married person can hopefully shed some light on. It takes work to make even a casual relationship work for more than 6 months and married ppl know something about that. Now, if you’re a HOE…(which could be a male or female)lmao…well, who can tell a hoe how to be a hoe–other than another hoe, so for that, your single friends may be VERY WELL qualified…..
Lerato
Friday, 14th August 2009 at 4:56 PM
Let the church say AMEN!
Keep up the good work on the blog ma!
The Abyss
Thursday, 20th August 2009 at 12:30 PM
SG, I think we NEED more advice from married couples (well, those that, like DC Man said, have been married/together for enough time and actually have insight about the topic). Maybe the dating game has changed so much, though, that those ppl that’ve been married for 50 years, their situations aren’t relevant to today’s society anymore?
But I think the principles of dating are still the same. So in that case, I’d love to get advice from an old married couple!
Charlie Barlie
Thursday, 20th August 2009 at 3:34 PM
….im singing with the choir on this one….i want advice from the married folks….single advice is mostly for entertainment and ego purposes…lol
STSG
Thursday, 20th August 2009 at 4:44 PM
Let me say this…
I want Marriage Advice from my Married Friends.
I like dating advice from friends who date a lot.
If you are married, been with the same boo for a minute you can’t tell me how to date in 2009 when you’ve been out the game since 2000.
Married people, at least the ones I’m talking about here think that just because they have a ring on their finger they have one up on us single people.
- SG
sheena golden
Friday, 18th September 2009 at 7:22 PM
Wow, what an attitude! If you’re this rude and uptight with everyone, no wonder you’re single… and you probably like it that way. Well good for you, you’ll probably stay that way. Unless you get a softer sweeter side to you you’ll be doing a poor unsuspecting soul a huge favor! Married people can be good at giving advise and bad as well. It really depends on the person and/or couple… just like anyone else. But to say they are bad advisors on dating simply because they’re married is small minded and stereo-typing… don’t chya think? I mean after all they were single once too… there’s nothing so new under the sun that somebody who’s been married a long time couldn’t give advise on… times may have changed a bit but the human heart hasn’t it still needs to be loved. Hope you can find a sweeter more feminine you… married or just dating, most guys (the ones worth attracting) are not interested in women who are so crude and cold. Hope you can get over it and I wish you the best.
InaccessibleRail
Wednesday, 13th January 2010 at 7:10 PM
Sheena, you’re the one who sounds like she has an attitude problem. Passive aggressive much?
Anyways, I feel the same way. I have one friend who got married at 18 to the first guy she ever went out with, who thinks that just because she’s married that she’s right and I’m wrong.
She dated for like a month. I’ve been dating 11 years! Just because I haven’t gotten lucky and found The One yet doesn’t mean I’m not getting better at the game.
Mimi
Friday, 26th February 2010 at 12:22 AM
In SG’s case, it sounds to me that alot of the advice given might have been unwelcomed. There is nothing worse than someone telling you how to fix your ‘problem’ when you never asked them.
In the case that you are looking for some advice, then you have to know where to look. Just because someone is married does not mean that they have all the answers.
If you are looking for advice on having good experiences in the dating game, then look to your friends who are in the game who are successful at it. (or what you consider to be successful)
Same with marriage; looking for tips on a good marriage, look to a couple who you admire to dispense that advise.
Big up to all my married people giving solid advice…when asked!
munther
Wednesday, 28th April 2010 at 8:39 AM
birds of feather flock together
Viky
Monday, 19th July 2010 at 12:36 AM
My problem is the exact opposite; I never know what to say when my single friends ask me to analyze their last date or their current prospects. So I say, single people shouldn’t ask married people for dating advice!