Jump Offs Exist (Even Essence.com Knows This)
I woke up this morning to learn that the internet was in an uproar (well just black women on the internet) over Essence.com’s new men’s blog It’s a Man’s World and its debut post “The Truth about Jump Offs” written by journalist/editor Jozen Cummings.
Jozen is a friend and told me about the post before it went up. I jokingly warned him that once it went up women everywhere were going to search to find out who he was. He didn’t tell me about the subject matter but I’ve learned that whenever a man talks candidly about relationships especially sex the way say Naked with Socks On or Jozen does on his new and thoroughly entertaining Until I Get Married, women either become instant fans or haters.
Not surprisingly, Jozen has been attacked by the latter.
Jozen wrote about the rules of Jump Offs aka Bed Buddies aka Casual Sex Partners. Whatever you want to call it, it boils down to two consenting adults having sex with no strings attached. However, just reading the comments you’d think he’d written about how to pimp a woman out and beat her into submission.
For all the hype “The Truth about Jump Offs” caused, what Jozen wrote and the manner in which it was expressed wasn’t as harsh, raw and sexist as it could have been. Sometimes the harsher the words the more likely the lesson trying to be conveyed is lost. [Originally I wanted to title this “Bitch Please” but decided to soften it up a bit. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.]
The subject of casual sex should be a candid one. If more of us were comfortable with it perhaps there wouldn’t be all this hiding and creeping around. Perhaps we’d feel more comfortable buying condoms at a drug store instead of stealing them (which is why many drug store chains lock them up. SMH!) or get caught up in the moment because we swore we weren’t going to sleep with him and end up sexing without protection.
Let’s say these women aren’t upset with the subject matter but rather the messenger—Essence.com.
Many black women are unhappy because they aren’t being fulfilled, spend way too many nights in bed alone, prayed one too many times to God for a man but aren’t doing the things in their own power to make one want to stay.
Women like these do read Essence and consider it to be their bible.
Why shouldn’t they know about the rules of casual sex?
Should Essence keep them in a bubble?
Are the angry comments coming from women who are delusional about the current state of affairs between men and women in the bedroom?
Lastly, should black women not have sex outside of committed relationships? (Please!)
We women spend the majority of our lives wondering what men think. We buy music by men talking about love and hope that one day a man will say words like that to us. We buy books written by men about finding love and hope that it will bless us with a new inside track. We talk our male friends ears off about our new beaus or crushes; badgering them to death until they say what we want to hear, “He sounds like a great guy. I’m sure it will work out. You’re a wonderful woman.”
Yet, when Jozen speaks on sex so candidly it becomes a clutch your pearls, let’s burn our Essence magazines and hack the website moment.
Let’s keep it funky, the majority of these women aren’t upset about being a J.O. I’m sure they have engaged in some nice mature hot sexy fun. What hurts the most is hearing a man say it and to have your holy grail of the black woman’s experience publish it.
They’re probably thinking, “If I wanted this type of material I’d read Playboy or Cosmo.”
To all of you, I say…get over it.
The only women that are offended by this are the ones that have had it happen to them and were too dumb or “caught up” to realize it at the time. Personally, I think this is a “straight up-no chaser” approach to the situation and that is exactly what a lot of us good women out here in the world need so that we won’t get caught up like the rest of the bitter women who are the jump offs.
Posted by: THE QUEEN 336 | 09/21/2009 at 07:48 PM
Spoken like a woman who is a realist.
Ladies, be real and smart. There are men out there that just want to have a good time. Sometimes you will want to have a good time too. Treating every man you have sexual chemistry with as a potential boyfriend or husband is a recipe for disaster. Standing on a pedestal, waving your “Angry Woman’s Demand for Respect” booklet will get you no where.
If you aren’t engaging in casual sex why judge those who are or want to learn how to?
[Full Disclosure: …Says the Single Girl has a content sharing partnership with Essence.com but you’ve probably never seen her writing on the site because she’s a little too raw for the Essence audience.]