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“Jesus Broke Up My Marriage”

hip jesus

Long ago I decided that before I get married me and my future husband would seek couple’s counseling. There’s no way I want to enter a union with unresolved issues that could one day mean the demise of my marriage.

Whether it be our childhoods, relationships with parents (or lack there of), trust issues, low self esteem, etc. we are going to work it out before we walk down the aisle.

It’s also my hope that I find a man who is open to being spiritual. Perhaps therapy would bring us closer and then we can work on our relationship with God.

I grew up in the church and one day, when I’m done sinning I’ll go back to the church.

This raises the question:

What do you do when you’re saved but your significant other isn’t?

Scene:

Lobby of a video game launch party. SG runs into Married Manny. Former co-workers, they haven’t seen each other in two years.

SG: Manny, how are you!

Manny: I’m good. I’m blessed can’t complain.

SG: How are the wife and kids?

(Manny, 33, is married to his high school sweetheart. They have 4 kids.)

Manny: We’re separated.

SG: What? What did you do?

Manny: Why it got to be my fault? That’s messed up. You want to know what I did? I started going to church. Jesus broke up my marriage.

SG: [laughing] Are you serious?

Manny: Yes.

SG: That can’t be it.

Manny: Yes it is. I moved out and everything. I take the kids with me to church every Wednesday and Sunday. My wife not going is one thing, but my kids are going to church.

SG: Do you think you two will ever work things out. Sounds like you need therapy.

Manny: I suggested that we speak to my pastor but she thinks he’s just going to side with me because we are cool.

SG: I still can’t believe you’re separated because of church.

Manny: My wife lost her job earlier this year. That’s when she started losing her mind. This recession has me grinding hard. I own two homes, got 4 kids and my wife won’t even help me. I had to turn to God or else I would have snapped. You would’ve seen me on the news.

SG: Do you want her back?

Manny: I want my marriage back but it’s hard. I’m in church now and I’m meeting bad sisters, women who have it together but are single. I need a woman who is going to walk with me on this journey not criticize me while I’m on my journey. Marriage is about doing things together and right now my wife is being selfish. You know what she asked me the other day “Who are you seeing at the church cause you’re always over there.” Can you believe that?

SG: Yes, I can believe that. My parents married young. They partied together had fun. Then they had me and my mom decided she wanted to get saved. My dad had a fit. He felt like he was losing his friend, he was going to be looked down upon and judged because he still wanted to party and drink. It created a divide in their marriage. In the end someone has to relent or you’ll get a divorce. Either she is going to want her man back and start dragging her behind to church after the club or you are going accept her sinning ass.

Manny: Part of me wants to stay and the other part just doesn’t know.

SG: Maybe you need to pray on it. [laugh]

We talked for a while, Manny and I, in that lobby. The conversation went much deeper.

Its a valid fear to think that one day the person you’ve dedicated your life too is going to change. Maybe your husband/wife will wake up one morning and tell you they’re gay, a drug addict or transgender. Maybe you realize that you want to quit your job as a bank vp to become a comedian. Will they still stay by your side?

If I had to pick from all thee above, I’d be happy if my husband told me he became a born again christian. I would also feel pressure to confirm to a more religious lifestyle. Together I’m sure we can find a happy medium.

Manny is a good guy and I know he loves his wife. Hopefully she will realize this too before he ends up getting his bread buttered on both sides by Sis. Johnson.

7 Responses to ““Jesus Broke Up My Marriage””

  1. Change can be demanding on relationships, but unless there has been an extreme change, Manny and his lady ought to be able to get it together because MOST religious institutions hope to strengthen marriages, not tear them apart. NOW, if Manny belongs to some fringe, extremist religious institution, that a totally different situation. Growth is inevitable if you live long enuff, but hopefully “partners for life” can accommodate and be understanding with their significant other. On the other hand, if you and your spouse were drug using swingers, and you decide to STOP and get “saved” that could bring about insurmountable problems bcuz that’s a 360 degree change and it may be more than one relationship can over-come. Anything else and two willing partners can make it happen, especially once kids are involved and the partners become older and wiser.

  2. Being (becoming) santified and filled with the Holy Ghost is a totally different lifestyle than not. And if your wife/husband suddenly adapts this way of life I do not believe the marriage could work. There are too many changes the one in church will begin to succumb to and the party that is not going to join along will begin to feel it.

    It you two are used to going out after-work, getting a drink, hanging out with friends at a lounge type environment. That will change. The premise os cursing will surely change. So if your used to a ‘shit’ ‘fuck’ every so often that won’t go over well with the more spiritual one.
    Then comes the issue of ‘well my Pastor said…’ with every problem they have in the marriage.
    Some people believe that their Pastor can do no wrong, say nothing that’s foul. And that their Pastor is holier than thou.
    The lifestyles are just very different.

    Hell, when my mother turned her life over to God I was a bit annoyed. Because the mom that would sit and have a drink with me, the mom who I could call and express myself freely with a few ‘minor’ curses thrown in, the mom who didn’t pass judgement was now a different woman. It is very hard to get used to. And I’ll say ‘can I speak to my ‘other’ mom’, lol! And she’ll know what I mean. But its different. Because I have to respect her and her beliefs so I can’t really go in like I want to. And when I call her about my issues, I get tired of hearing “well in 1st Corinthians 6:1-5 says……” Like no mom, not again, lol!

    So I’m sure that multiplies when your married to the person.

    Bottom line, imo, either someone will turn their life over to God, or they will go their seperate ways. God is a jealous God and wants no other before him.

  3. Depending on how big this change is for Manny, I say GetAGrip is right. Religion is a dealbreaker. One person having it and the other person not is just too deep a rift if the non-relgious person doesn’t even support the idea.

    I once dated a former youth minister. When we met I told him I wasn’t religious and wasn’t planning to be. He said ok. It was, for a while. But then he reformed his relationship with God and I didn’t fit into his life anymore because that’s something we could not share.

    I hope he and his wife can work it out, but if she’s not interested in going to church, no dice.

  4. DC Man with a Plan

    Monday, 26th October 2009 at 2:42 PM
     

    Come on ladies, marriage minded ppl can be tolerant and adjust to a myriad of problems that will crop up in a relationship, religion being just ONE issue. Couples work thru adultery, drug use, job loss, lying and all types of B/S, so I don’t know WHY y’all thinkin bcuz dude is turnin into a holy roller, all of a sudden, all bets are off. It’s a pretty shallow marriage if they can’t withstand a little acrimony and disharmony. There are men that haven’t been broken off for more than a hot minute–and they’re still there, paying mortgage and being faithful until ol’girl comes around. Give ppl a little more credit. Have more confidence in your fellow ladies! AND Thank God not all women are bitter and negative! lmao

  5. In this same situation.Was together with a woman 30 years(married 27).She went through pure HELL with me/for me/because of me,especially with my problems with Alcohol,and living and working in Germany (non-military oriented) HAS NOT always been easy.Still,She couldn`t take it when I found a Full Gospel Deliverance Ministry and gave my life to the Lord.She went on-line and found her some new *stuff* and moved out to be with him 3 years later.We`ve been seperated 2 years now and divorced 1.All because of Jesus?? Who really loses in such a situation.I didnĀ“t!

  6. dear saysthesingle girl,
    i do realize that you’re a busy woman and newly booed-up but do know that i miss your daily (okay, weekly. alright, sometimes biweekly) musings. please come back. that is all.

    crystal

  7. I am a church widow. Its one thing to believe there is whatever (enter your preferred superstition here) in the sky. Its another to have your life controlled by the church through your spouse.
    Church gives out THE WORST advice on finance, relationships, sex, and religion. Their main enemy seems to be people who want to think for themselves. Whenever my wife and I had a disagreement, the church’s opinion won.
    Yes I knew she was christian before we got married, and I had the niaive outlook that church would put family first. Nope!, THEY are first, – me, and my boy come a very very very distant second.
    Martin, church widow.


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