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I Don’t Love You Just the Way You Are

Yesterday, I was in an elevator when I heard this:

Something about the lyrics made me reflect.

I’ve never loved someone just the way they were.  If anything, I’ve loved someone in spite of who they are. No matter how large or small there was always something about them I wish they’d change.

Note I didn’t say “I’d change”. The key to polishing up your boo is to get them to make the change themselves, like it was their idea. Flattery works most of the time:

“Baby, you look really nice with your Unabomber beard shaved off.”

“Honey, I really love it when you wear clothes that make you look your age and not like a thug.”

“You look so sexy when you wash the dishes.”

Another Jedi mind trick is leading by example.

You want your boo to lose the gut, you start working out and watch them get motivated when everyone is complimenting you and trying to scoop you away. Ladies, another great trick with men regarding weight loss: “Babe, I read somewhere that men gain 1-inch of penis for every 25 lbs they lose. You might have 3-inches up in there.”

If you feel this way about your mate, chances are they feel the same way about you. Men handle it differently though. Whatever it is they hate about you they usually hold it in until they can’t take it anymore. Then one day, when you’re telling him about himself his response is going to shock you to speechlessness.  He hates your cooking, your friends, your mother, your hair, your oral sex…

Total acceptance doesn’t exist.

Tyler Perry had something when he wrote about the “80-20″ theory. You have to find someone whose good out weighs the bad. Then you tell yourself, over and over again how good you have it whenever they do something that you don’t like.

“I hate it when he pees on the toilet seat, but at least he acknowledges me in public.”

…Says The Single Girl

6 Responses to “I Don’t Love You Just the Way You Are”

  1. I so hear you on the loving someone ‘is spite of who they are’. Loving someone is a choice you make each and every day despite their idiosyncrasies.

  2. So true, SG. No one is ever going to be 100% satisfied all the time, and if they tell you they are, they’re lying. There’s always going to be that one thing that you really wish they’d fix/change/rethink. And like you said, it’s a matter of finding out if that thing is the dealbreaker, or if it’s something you could live with because the good things are so much greater.
    So here’s mine:

    I hate it when he always has people over the house. But I love that he loves me so much.

  3. most people these days are extremely picky and selfish.. they focus so much on their wants and not their needs. so they will always want something better, no matter how good they got it at home. and then when they find out this grass isnt greener on the other side, they want to come back home.

    mines is: i hate it when he informs me about changes in plans at the last minute after ive gotten my hopes up or have gotten ready…but i love that he makes me feel like im the only woman in his eyes when i am around him and he accepts me for who i am…

  4. lmao…..So you were off the net for a minute to perfect your range of humorous commentary? Y’all trippin. And the only negro who will go for any of those half-wit, blantantly obvious attempts at reverse-psychology…Is someone you’re carrying on the love scale as a 1. I did get a chuckle outta the inches to belly joke. So, I hate it when she makes plans that are expected to include me–but she failed to elicit my input or cooperation until I’m put on the spot in front of mutual friends..But I love that she knows to STF – up during the game!

  5. I agree with @ DC Man with a Plan

    All those tricks you tried will not work. Men aren’t dumb. They can tell when you are passively nagging them about their shortcomings.

    You can’t make someone “change” and you can’t and you can’t trick them into changing. It really is the 80/20 rule. Accept your 80 or keep it moving. The reason why men don’t try and change women is because we don’t get with women we don’t want to be with. If we don’t want to be with you we end it.

  6. I never understood why people try to change the one they’re with. Why not just find what you’re looking for?

    And forget 80/20. That’s not good enough. I prefer 99.9/0.01 theory where 0.01 is so minor and unimportant that I can’t even remember what it is that bugged me. Now, that’s something to sing about.


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