He was Addicted to Sex, But Not How You Think
He sat across from me on our first date and made a shocking confession.
“I am addicted to sex.”
For some reason, I didn’t react. I wasn’t disgusted. In fact I believe I even smirked.
“Really?” I never had someone tell me they were a sex addict. Not sure that a first date was the best time either but then again it’s better to go in knowing than not.
“Yeah, something I’ve been dealing with for a while. It’s why I don’t date much. I really like you though.”
Right then, before our appetizers made it to the table, I knew that if I was to continue seeing this man I would have either be in a world of hurt or have some of the best sex ever. I’m twisted like that, a glutton for punishment. Sue me.
When someone tells you they have a sex addiction that doesn’t always mean “I have a sexual intercourse addition”. Dude was addicted to porn and masturbating. He jacked off 2-5 times a day. Some of those times, I’d be in the house, asleep while he’s playing stranger in the tub.
Can you believe I even had to beg him for sex? In his mind he didn’t want to sleep with me so often because then I wouldn’t be his “good girl”. Perhaps he didn’t want to unleash the beast. You know, the beast that during sex calls you some foul ass name, smacks your ass all hard and wants to cum on your eyelids.
Countless times we come in from a night out and a porno would be paused on the tv screen. In his rush to meet me, he forgot to stop the dvd and turn the tv off. He was actually the first guy that I felt comfortable watching porn with. You know how some couples make it a Blockbuster night? Well, we had Cockbuster nights. We’d be fully dressed, watching porn on the couch and not even have sex after. He really schooled me outside of the bedroom.
It’s clear that I, like most people, did not understand the many levels of sex addiction. I decided to do some googling:
Sexual addiction is best described as a progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts. Like all addictions, its negative impact on the addict and on family members increases as the disorder progresses. Over time, the addict usually has to intensify the addictive behavior to achieve the same results.
For some sex addicts, behavior does not progress beyond compulsive masturbation or the extensive use of pornography or phone or computer sex services. [SOURCE]
Masturbating was his attempt as curbing his addiction. If he masturbated then he wouldn’t go out and have sex with women. He and I where never in a committed relationship partially because I didn’t want him as a boyfriend and because he was emotionally stunted. He was a brick wall, no emotions at all. I later learned that is a part of having a sex addiction.
Yes, the sex (when he had it) was great. The (for lack of a better word) “relationship” didn’t last but a few months. Sweet guy but his problem was too big for me to handle.
Could you date or even marry someone with a sex addiction?