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I’m Not a Lesbian, But My Next Lover May Be

lesbians

I never gave dating a woman much thought. I have imagined what sex with a woman would be like as opposed to my pounding, sweat drops hitting me in my eye, grunting, bed breaking sexcapades with men. For some reason I assume sex with a woman would be softer, longer, more intense cause unlike men, we’d be using our brains during intercourse. But would it really be INTER-course. Maybe it should be called BUMPER-course.

What do I know? I’m not a lesbian, but judging by the weakened state of affairs in the dating game more and more women are considering taking a lesbian lover.

As of now, I do not have any outright lesbian friends. I do have girlfriends who have had girl-on-girl jump offs. What I noticed the most about my girlfriends who lust for women is that they don’t consider themselves to be bi-sexual or gay. They blurt it out in conversation like I knew all along then brush it off when they notice my eyebrow raised. The best excuse they give is “I was in college.” Not all of these relationships are in the past. From time to time, my girls will take a strap on to a chick Pinky style but swear they aren’t gay.

I don’t judge.

In fact, I wonder if I could do what they do. I’ve never been hit on by a woman, wouldn’t know where to find one and definitely don’t want to be immersed in the gay culture. Thanks, but no rainbow flag key chains for me.

If (and this is a big IF) I were to take a lesbian lover there would be some ground rules:

1 – She must be feminine

If I wanted a chick that looks, walks, talks like a dude I might as well be with a dude. At least the hardware is real and not battery operated.

2 – She can be an experimental lesbian

I don’t know what I’m doing so she doesn’t have to know what she’s doing either. I’m not trying to be turned out by any stretch of the imagination. We can charge the whole experience to science and the study of human sexual behavior.

3 – This is not a relationship

There will be no titles given. We can go out to dinner or a movie but to the outside world we will look like nothing more than two friends hanging out. No PDA and no Love.

I definitely need to do some research before I give this whole carpet-muncher situation serious consideration. Aside from figuring out who does what to whom, there is the issues of emotions. I know how I get when I’m pissy, PMS’ing, annoyed, etc with a man, who often times is an emotionless brick wall from which I get no response. Dealing with someone who is one big ball of feelings might be a bit much for me.

All my rainbow boyfriends tell me that lesbians are CRAZY. I once witnessed a lesbian fight outside a trendy restaurant on a hot summer’s night. They both looked semi-feminine, dressed nicely for dinner. Apparently one was the hooked lover, who couldn’t get enough and the other was the one who p-p-p-put it on her but didn’t want her anymore. The hooked one begged for her to take her back. The more aggressive one wasn’t hearing it. Finally some words were exchanged and the “p-p-p-put it on her” chick came with the wicked back hand and laid the beggin’ bitch out.

“See, I told you lesbians are crazy,” said my rainbow boyfriend. “Lesbians love to fight. You can’t take them anywhere.” Hitting a woman or being hit by a woman isn’t my idea of fun.

Now that I think of it, outside of not being able to get pregnant, what would I get out of being with a woman? Not to mention, the vagina isn’t the most pleasant thing to look at. I don’t know how you men do it.

Please understand that I’m not taking jabs at real lesbians who love eating the puss and sucking on titties. I’m straight but might be planning ahead for when the male population is depleted leaving me to get my gay love and pimp slapping on in the streets. I will say this, I’d the “top” and I’d have the baddest chick there is.

- STSG

19 Responses to “I’m Not a Lesbian, But My Next Lover May Be”

  1. LoL, sound like u lookin for fem candidates ‘eh?Two beautiful women…hmm, sexy.
    I heard to many stories of that sort. All I can say is my lip is tired from being bitten.

  2. lol….this is hilarious….but at the end of the day you said it best…What’s the point? Just to say you did it? Acts of confusion need not be fed as it only leads to more confusion…..

  3. This is far from confusing, CH has anyone ever considered that we as women are tired of the games men play? I’m not judging nor am I condoning, all I am saying is that when looking for options to have a relationship or sexship and one that is meaningful and fufilling the option of taking a woman as a lover can be very appealing, if not realistic in these times.

    No judgement, an open mind means endless posibilities!

    All I have to say to this is, if this is what is needed in order to get what you want….then in the world of ‘I gotta get mine’…JUST DO IT!

  4. I always say this “the vagina isn’t the most pleasant thing to look at. I don’t know how you men do it.” that is the biggest deterrent.

  5. Cant cosign. Theres no way in hell I am hooking up with a chick cuz ninjas dont have to act right. If its really that bad out there, I’ll just have to stand being alone.

    Also, I I think our plumbing is wayyyy more attractive than men’s. We got lucky on that one.

  6. i READ THIS EAARRRLLY DIS MORNIN BU TMY PHONE WAS TRIPPIN N IT WOULDNT LET ME REPLY…I HAVE HOOKED UP WIT A CHICK BUT NOT BCUZ MEN HAVE PUSHED ME 2 DA OTHER SIDE… ALTHO I DO KNO A FEW WOMEN WHO HAS SWITCHD OVER BCUZ OF MEN…I ALSO APPLIED THE SAME RULES BUT BEIN WIT “DA BADDEST CHICK” DNT ALWAYS HAPPEN ..ITS ALOT MORE EMOTIONS WEN IT COMES 2 WOMEN U CANT JUS DETACH URSELF FROM DEM WIT NO HEARTBREAK (EVEN WIT SEX) ..I HAVE NEVER PERSONALLY HAD AN RELATIONSHIP WIT A WOMEN BUT I HAVE GOTTEN CLOSE TO A COUPLE…GETTN UR HEART BROKE BY A WOMAN IS NOOO JOKE !! IT PUTS U IN A MENTAL STATE U RNT PREPARED FOR N U DNT WANT. I RATHER JUS STICK 2 MEN I CAN DROP DEM W/O ANY SECOND THOUGHTS…I HAVE MET A FEW WOMEN WHO R CRAZY N LIKE TO PLAY GAMES… U WILL MEET A FEW WOMEN WHO WILL LEAVE FOOTPRINTS ON UR HEART IF U LET DEM..BUT DNT THINK JUS BCUZ UR WIT A WOMEN SHIT CHANGES YEA MOST OF IT BUT NOT ALL ..DEY FUCK UP 2 ..U MAY EXPECT BETTER BCUZ DEY R A WOMAN N DEY SHLD KNO BETTER BUT DEY DNT …OVERALLL I ENJOY BEIN WIT A WOMEN SEXUALLY !!!

  7. Im afraid to see what other nonsense will become the norm by the time our children are older…..beastality, pedophilia…who knows..

    This is a direct indication of societies’ breakdown when…just as an option, since i cant get what i want and I’m confused as to why “ill just try something else that looks easier to manage”

    What a cop out! Apparently weak-mindedness is a fad as well.

  8. I do not think it has anything to do with confusion, or weakmindedness. I think it has to do more with someone looking past the gender of another to find a person who understands them or even for some to fill a physical need…who can say but for those who do this? (play both sides of the fence).

    I do not feel that this is a taboo either and that the others mentioned taboo’s such as pedophilia (which I feel will never be accepted as it victimizes children) versus ‘jumping ship’ this is an adult decision made with another adult.

    I’m not saying I would do it myself however, for those who have done it or are thinking about it, I can certainly understand their point of view and the choice they made or will make. To add to that I would not, nor will I ever pass judgement on somone for their decision. If this is what makes a woman happy (especially if it is a friend or family memeber) then who am I to stand in their way of happiness?

    I think weakmindedness has more to do with closemindedness….yet another word for fear. As far as breakdown of a society goes I feel its has to do with people who are afraid of change…and really isn’t that what we as the human race do…change?

  9. ..hmmm….i smell a debate…and I’d love to see this smile that I’d love…

    Ok so first I’ll agree that the human race does evolve and should evolve for the “better”.

    To be brief…..we read and hear about “adults” making dumb ass decisions everyday.This specific scenario points at a woman that is not homosexual yet wants to “try” it for shhh!ts and giggles. This is the same mindset that spawned crazy teen pregnancy rates, drug addiction, crime etc. It’s the “i dont give a F” careless mindsets and attitudes that have become rampant in our society. I’m not being judgemental nor would i cast the first stone cause I’m not perfect – I DO want my sister or brother to be happy. However, I want them to seek thoughtful channels to attain this not a frivilous route that questions pride in ones self.

    So if you want to spit FEAR at me then yes I am afraid of my friend or fam making questionable decisions that only satified a temporary cheap thrill. I dont need ppl close to me making cheap thoughtless decisions because one day you’ll make one that involves me. In your words we are all “adults” here so lets start acting and thinking like adults…..which is acting thoughtfully and responsibly.

  10. I personally don’t think my opinion has anything to do with fear. I am not afraid of gay people or of what it might do to society if more people came out. And I think it’s ridiculous that our society is soooo PC that you can’t say anything against homosexuality without somebody accusing you of being fearful.

    My negative views stem from the thought that gay is not a lifestyle choice, but that most people who are gay are actually born that way. I think it’s tired and disrespectful for people to play the “lets be gay for a while” game, only because the opposite sex isn’t giving them what they want. That’s unfair and disingenuous for both people involved.

  11. This is all true…I love it.. U said it just as I feel… Cant see myself that freaky, and the puss isn’t something I consider to be a pretty site either.. lol!!! U a mess, but u kept it real..

  12. you don’t want the real deal…and you say she doesn’t have to be experienced…so maybe you will find a woman that is just as curious as you…hmmm okay…that will be a wild one…because you both will be clueless…or you will use just what you’ve seen on a girl on girl flick…(not real)…you will have only a “first time tingle” and then it will be over…you don’t want to get turned out? or are you afraid you will enjoy it too much? I don’t understand…i’ve dealt with a first timer…all she wanted to do was feel good…but i guess she didn’t expect to feel “so amazing” and here is the funny thing…she said it was so sensual…and she felt connected inside and out….and then she would say over and over again…”I’m not a lesbian…I’m not a lesbian”…and of course in my head I’m like I heard you b*tch shut the hell up…because it wasn’t a big deal to me…I just wanted a steady buddy….and my goal was not to turn her out…….but guess who caught the feelings…and guess who couldn’t have enough….and guess who went nutz…..the “straight chick”…hmmm….I’m saying to myself damn….being someone’s first and knowing how to take care of them the right way and all you know is to give your best at everything you do….sometimes can slap you in the “back of the head”….and for the record…I’ve never used a strap on…and I don’t bump either…I don’t look like a man….oh and ALL women have a little crazy in them….

  13. Well, if you cant find an expensive luxury car with as many safety features and style as you’d like, you will opt for the slightlt cheaper version with a better warranty, just as many safety features, style and is equally as cute. Just because it doesn’t come from where you want it to, or have the status that everybody else has, doesnt mean you’re just supposed to not RIDE it! lol

  14. I don’t think of myself as a judgmental person but this is just sick. . If you are going through a dry spell with men you need to spend more time on your hobbies or something.

  15. I have seen young college women experiment with their sexuality. At that age, I think a lot of women try to test themselves to see where their heart lies. Eventually, the past is put behind them and they move to a heterosexual relationship. I don’t condone that kind of behavior, but I understand. What I don’t understand are women who have surpassed the 18, 21, 25, and knocking on the 30 year old mark and decide they want a same sex fling. That is almost as disgusting as a decrepid man attempting to date a 21 year old hottie. To the ladies 30 and over, if you can’t decide what your true sexuality is then maybe you should not date and become a professionial single.

  16. I would like to reflect on the comment below:
    (Not to mention, the vagina isn’t the most pleasant thing to look at. I don’t know how you men do it.} I agree with this comment. I have thought about how women go down on other women over and over again…..I just don’t get It. Yes we are beautiful but there are some areas of the body that do not look so appealing. Never, could I explore another women in the manner that a man explores a womens body…I don’t understand how men do it either!

  17. Congratulations! You have just realized you’re a sexually confused whore!

  18. Rainbow keychains? Is that what you think it means to be gay?

    As a card-carrying lesbian, I don’t own a single piece of rainbow garb, never been to a gay parade and don’t give a shit about the current culture war regarding gay marriage. I’m just like other women, with one minor difference: I don’t like dick. And that’s the ONLY difference.

    Gay is not a lifestyle or political affiliation; it’s an orientation. It’s not something you try on when it’s convenient and take off when a cute guy catches your eye.

    Experimenting with your sexuality is fine, just make sure not to lead anyone on. Let your potential partners know you’re not looking for a relationship and it’s all good.

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