“Dear SG: Small Town Girls Have It Hard”
I read the post ”Why You Can’t Find a Good Man“. As usual the information was on point. Unfortunately, the information didn’t apply to me for the simple fact that:
1 – I did not go to college
2 – I don’t have a big shot career, although I am independent and work for my family businesses.
I am good looking and I have no problem getting men. The thing is, I don’t live in a big city like the ATL, MIA. I live in a small town in FL and all the men in my area are either in jail, taken, no good, or gay (not to mention the thug wannabes). For women like me I feel we are the ones that are truly at a disadvantage because a lot of the advice given is for women with major careers or who live is big cities. The types of man we want are nonexistent in our areas.
My question is: Do I settle or do I just get used to being single?
- Small Town Girl
Dear Small Town Girl -
I want to be very sensitive to your situation (see I do have a heart) and didn’t want to give you a checklist of things you should do or sell you a pipe dream. I may live in a big city and my career status is questionable (keep clicking on these pretty ads and I may be able to pay my rent next month). Like you, I am single and can tell you the same problems you have finding a quality guy is the same problem all women in the world face.
What I think happens with a lot of women is that we take the Hollywood version of what dating, romance and our ideal mate should be and apply it to our lives like “If it worked for Julia Roberts it must work for me”.
Reality is there are good guys all around but don’t listen to me. For your question, I enlisted the help of Mr. Southern Comfort, who lives in a small-ish town in the south .
He raises some good points.
Dear Small Town Girl -
Some of the things you have listed are the answer to your questions. You can’t find a man cause a good bit are in jail, gay, no good or thugged out!
In this day and time, I rejoice in the fact that a woman says they do not want a less that desirable man! So many times I spot a couple and wonder how the hell that fine ass girl is with that loser!
At any rate, the things that you have said about yourself tell me that you don’t sit idle. Small Town Girl, it’s clear you want bigger and better things for yourself. I, myself, am from a somewhat small town in South Carolina. I say somewhat because I know someone close to me that calls our state’s most citified city still country. [SG Note: That someone would be me!]
There are good men in even the smallest of towns. The same basic rule applies to women in both big cities and small town girls. Women want a man who is a stand up guy who can provide and love you.
In your case, your Mr. Big may be the guy who owns a barbershop! He might be the local firefighter or own the local mom and pop store! When you aren’t in the big city you have to learn to look past outer appearances. The man of your dreams may be a mechanic, who has grease under his nails. Should you count him out just because he smells like Pennzoil?
Another option to help in your search is a change of scenery. Maybe you should apply to grad school, a job out of state, a fellowship, anything that pays/improves you and allows you to get out of your element. When you are new to a place, it pushes you to step outside of yourself and be open. Opening up is a sure way to meet people, guys you never cared to notice before.
I hope my $0.02 helped you in some way. Don’t think any less of yourself because you are a small town girl. Just know what you are looking for might not be in the package that attracts you from jump.
If you have any other questions hit up the Single Girl. She knows how to find me!
- Mr. Southern Comfort