Are You the Dummy in This Relationship?

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It’s not that we want to know we are smarter than our boo, we just secretly want to think that we are.

I have this one girlfriend who only dates dumb guys. “They are easier to control,” she says. She trained, yes trained, on sorry sap to perm her hair. Every six weeks he’d willingly put on his plastic gloves and work the perm in her hair as she sat on a stool in her kitchen. She had another guy who argued with us during a game of Scrabble that the word “knife” did not start with a “k”. While the rest of the room gave her the screw face, she simply ignored him. When you purposely seek out a mate who is missing a few cards in their deck, what does that say about you?

Like my girlfriend said, it’s about control. Some people, smart or dumb, don’t want to be challenged. They want a partner who will go along with whatever they say. (We call these NBA wives, just kidding.)

If you aren’t the dumb one in the relationship, is it better knowing that the person you love isn’t too bright? Can you make it work despite their low I.Q.?

Not all dumb people are easy to spot. It usually take them working on a project, playing with a gadget, trying to master technology, filling out an application when you first catch a glimpse of their ineptness. You are shocked and disappointed. One of those moments was with the same “Cup of Tea” guy. For the life of him, he didn’t know how to e-mail using BCC. I would get e-mails with 200 other addresses on some chain letter type -ish. Finally, I told him. “You know, there is a way to e-mail without showing everyone’s e-mail address.”

“Really, I didn’t know that. Say, can you make me another cup of tea. Just the way I like it?”


7 Responses to “Are You the Dummy in This Relationship?”

  1. I once dated a guy a few sandwiches short of a picnic for 6 years. It was the biggest mistake of my life. I thought because he’s young, dumb and full of cum I could exercise CONTROL over him and, it has to be said, I felt sorry for him too (rotten, Dickensian childhood and all that). In the end he thought he was more than what he was. When a man dates a woman more intelligent than himself, it gives him a form of validation that he doesn’t deserve. Ultimately, the worm turns and he tries to control YOU. The thought of having children with this guy filled me with horror (sorry if I sound like a Nazi eugenicist but dumb people produce dumb children, fact!). The foundation of a successful relationship is compatibility, so if you’re not emotionally, spiritually and intellectually compatible, it ain’t gonna work. Who wants to be with someone who only causes embarrassment when they open their mouth? Also, dumb people don’t take rejection very well – the repercussions of my breaking up with him 18 months ago are still being felt now. But to be fair, what did it say about me that I felt the need to control another human being?

  2. I’m sorry and I know men are in short supply but I can’t be with a dude so dumb he can’t put together a coherent sentence. I often wonder what life is like for the slow folks. I love any type of intellectual stimulation and can’t see myself with a man not capable of stimulating me in that way. On the flip side ain’t no way I could be with ANY man who required me to ‘allow’ him to be the smarter one when he clearly isn’t. I play many games, but chasing my tail ain’t one of them.

  3. Permed her hair? I swear, I read your posts and my mouth falls to my desk! That’s some ridiculous shit. I don’t think it’s dumb exactly, but it is pathetic and desperate. On both his AND her part.

    As far as the control issue, I think we’ve all been there. Every relationship has to find a balance of control between both parties. But dating a man you have to control and think for is tiring. And I agree w/ Soulsistah that it makes breaking up ten times more difficult (if not dangerous) because that person feels dependent on you. You can’t truly love a man you feel sorry for. Been there once, not going to do it again.

  4. This is a great article. It had me laughing and gasping at the same time. There has to be a middle somewhere though.

    I have a degree in a biological science and am currently dating someone that didn’t finish high school (I didn’t know it in the beginning). He’s also not up with technology when it comes to a computer and everything that comes with it (email, IM etc – although he knows how to get on it to place a bet!). I have a blackberry so that’s a HUGE gap.

    But, he can hold his own conversation with anyone that I know and works hard to keep a good-benefits-paying job.

    It does get frustrating when we’re discussing topics that I KNOW I know the facts of and he’s based his conversation on ignorant assumptions but, what man isn’t like that no matter what his education level? I take my son to the barbershop so I hear the stupid reasonings that go on all the time.

    But he keeps me laughing and for today, it’s good enough. Who knows about tomorrow…

  5. Honestly, someone that isn’t in the know about the things they say should be known is often the one who has some talent they’ve been hiding or don’t want people to know about. Many people play dumb because they don’t want to be labeled as “square.” Some people even play dumb because they don’t want people askinfg them all the intellectual questions or referring to them for advice. Being intelligent can be a burden or annoyance for some people.

  6. You ladies kill me. You say you”want a good man” then when you get them you decide you just gotta test us. You attract exactly what you want. Stop getting that messed up please. Us “sharpest knives in the dishwasher” are nerdy, generally wear glasses, are strong, boy scout type to the max, but you take our kindness for weakness. We’re “too old, too this or too that”, anything with an excuse that really hides the truth about what I generally see in women. YOU DON’T ANY REAL MAN THAT’S GOING TO DO YOU ANY REAL GOOD. When it’s good, ya’ll self-destructing and starting drama that doesn’t need to exist. If people stop trying to change each other and move forward together, you’d be alright. Remember, you attract exactly what you want to attract.
    One of the more sharper knives in this dishwasher.

  7. personally bear talks i think you are pretty ignorant to say that. “You ladies” sounds as bad as “You people” in reference to black people. I understand that some women are that way. Some men are too. Don’t generalize please. Now in terms of attracting what we want that isn’t always true. a woman can know exactly what she wants but not know how to get it. Women often times, me included, started out with a laissez-faire love policy and through trial and error we imporperly trained ourselves to get what we want. it’s a never ending cycle it seems. in EVERY situation we women must look at situations for what they are, see our involvement in them, work on it if the future deems it worthy, if not let it go but take the lessons.

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