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A Very Christian Wedding

tdjakes3

I’m a sinner. I make no qualms about that, but I’m not as big a sinner as you’d think I am based on my writings.

I didn’t smoke weed until this year and I’m almost 30.

I only drink socially and have a cap of 2 drinks. If I have anymore than that my friends will come up to me from across the room to inspect my cup or help themselves to half of it.

I love sex but don’t have it nearly as much as I’d like. There was a period during my early 20s when I pretty much sewed up all the wild oats and more.  Now, I’m more of a “keep one man on sex reserve until I’m in a relationship” kinda girl. Every woman should have a dick reserve. It’s up to you how often you call him up for duty-weekly, monthly, bi-monthly.

Ok, perhaps I’m standing a little closer to hell than heaven but it’s nothing that abstinence and a weekly prayer circle can’t fix up.

What got me to thinking about my position with the lord was the recent wedding of my super Christian friend, Jacques.

Jacques is the son of pastors. His new wife is also the child of ministers.

Needless to say, this wedding was cleaner than Celebrity Sober House.

I sat at what I jokingly called the sinners table. We were the group of Jacques’ friends who were either single, out of wedlock parents, drinkers, smokers, bi-sexual-a really colorful bunch.

When I say this was a Christian wedding the music was provided by a praise and worship band. The “cocktail hour” was dubbed the “h’or dourves hour” during which a variety of refreshing fruit punches, lemonades and iced teas were served. I thought at least the champagne flutes would have a little taste in them. Even Jesus drank wine. Nope, we toasted with cherry 7UP.

All holiness aside, the wedding was beautiful and you could tell that the couple was starting off on a very solid foundation even though they’d been dating less than a year.

In any other situation that could have been cause for alarm or a pregnancy test but for Christians, they were right on track.

Their faith taught them that marriage is about work and surrendering your individual needs for the needs of the union. Once Jacques realized that his wife was a strong, God-fearing (what does that really mean?), caring and supporting woman that was all he needed to know. All of the hypotheticals would be answered down the line. There was no reason to test drive her or make her jump through hoops. No reason to be with her for seven years calling her his fiancée when he had no real intentions of marrying her. No reason to get her knocked up and be a baby daddy fighting over the cost of diapers.

In her, Jacques saw the blueprint of a woman that would compliment him and make his life better. This was further supported during the wedding ceremony which featured tag team officiating by the fathers of the couple.

Most weddings are done by a minister who is hired and doesn’t know the first thing about the people they are marrying. They screw up the couple’s names and go off on some tangent that makes so sense. The Christians’ (as I lovingly call the newlywed couple) vows were so moving and personal. One recurring them was the importance of them walking through life as an equal pair. The pastors asked them to face each other and take turns holding and looking at each other’s palms.

“These will be the hands that hold you up. The hands that support you. The hands that will wipe your tears. The hands that will hold your children.”

Deep.

I sat in the 4th row thinking, “When I get married, I want my vows to sound like that.”

The words about what marriage ought to be brought me back to my own Christian upbringing: “Man and woman were created to be marry, procreate and praise God.”

I’m not living up to that statement in the least.

I do want to get married and I envy The Christians because they were able to come together devoid of the drama and baggage that most people enter a relationship with. We love to start something new with old stuff hanging over our heads.

Watching them during their first dance, it dawned on me. Getting married is easy; the problem is that most people aren’t willing to expose themselves so that they can enter a marriage.  We somehow see marriage as the end goal when it really is the beginning.

You should marry someone because you love who they are and what they can bring to your life and the union. Marriage is about the potential of a mate. It’s an investment. It takes a lifetime to see the full capabilities of a partner and often times we drag out a relationship in hopes to see every aspect of a person’s character before we feel we can marry them. What does happen is you end up in a relationship of 5 years and still don’t want to marry the person.

If you’re in a relationship and marriage or marrying that person isn’t on the front of your brain after 1 year, you are either playing around or with the wrong person.

Jacques met his wife in November 2008.

He proposed in May.

They got married last week.

16 Responses to “A Very Christian Wedding”

  1. I’m not gonna lie, I was nervous about this post before you even wrote it. Haha, I’ve just heard a lot of people mock Christian weddings, and usually for no reason other than misunderstanding. But I liked this post, especially the part about the vows and how easy marriage should be when it’s done right and with the right person.

  2. Beautifully written! This is what I hope for also. I have found a beautiful man who treats me like a queen and loves me more than I ever thought possible. If we were to marry, I know that that would be the START of our life together not the end goal as you mentioned. Thank you for the post and I look forward to sharing it with him later.

  3. I’ve been lurking for a couple of days, lol :) .

    I loved this post! It really brought a lot of things into perspective. My honey and I met in November 2008 too, that gave me chills. You’re right, when it’s right you don’t have to wait ten years to get engaged then another five to get married! lol. Great post!

  4. I too liked the post: very warm, touching, therapeutic. Rachel wrote of being pleasantly surprised you didn’t dogg Christian weddings as something bad or phony; I think we all benefit from your warmth and gentleness. It would be GREAT if every day we could feel this way. If ppl didn’t bash the president bcuz they hate him, not his policies; if ppl wanted to pay their fair amount of taxes so we could provide sufficient teachers and school supplies for ALL kids to be able to rise to their educational potential. There are MANY things a good Christian life should impact beyond marriage, that affects the world we live in, but this is a reasonable start…for TODAY.

  5. lions and butterflies

    Tuesday, 22nd September 2009 at 8:02 PM
     

    AMEN!!!! LOL!!!

  6. This was a goodie Single Girl

  7. Thank you I needed to read this post today. I believe in the state of holy matrimony not whatever one is jumping into these days playing around holding pageants and parades and when it comes time to actually be married and live up to the vows stated before witnesses and God many fall short and eventually are divorced. Way to many people playing married vs. actually being married and knowing what that means and entails. Case in point, Odam and that kardashian girl, beatz leaving his wife to have an affair with AK…I think its sad and this is what people see. If you constantly are bombarded with the wrong images then eventually you believe that, that is the right reality anyway this was a really great post thank you for sharing.

  8. I FEEL THAT YOU SHOULD DATE WITH THE INTENT TO MARRY AND IF THATS NOT THE GOAL FOR BOTH PEOPLE THAN PRESS ON.

  9. I WOULD LIKE TO COMMENT AND SAY THAT I LOVE YOUR POST. I WISH I WOULD HAVE FOLLOWED THRU FIRST BEFORE MARRYING. I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 3 MONTHS AND WE ARE ALREADY ON THE ROCKS. WE HAVE BEEN OFF AND ON FOR 2 YEARS. I AM A CHRISTIAN AND HE IS NOT. I JUST THOUGHT THAT THINGS WOULD BE DIFFERENT. I SHOULD HAVE ASKED MYSELF THOSE STATEMENTS YOU MENTIONED. “YOU SHOULD MARRY SOMEONE….”

  10. I want to add something but at this time I am unable but I am taking this time to write so I can be reminded to return.

  11. I’m glad I read this. I want to be married one day too and I’m still hoping and wishing that one day he’ll find me. Great post! Very insightful and touching :-)

  12. This post is really great. The wedding seems like it blessed you and the couple seems ready for a marriage that puts God first and eachother second. That is the way it is intended to be. Glad to see the single girl was in the house… who knows, maybe you will be next.

  13. I agree.You do know whether or not you see a positive future with this person after a year. That was truly a wonderful wedding you witnessed. I hope that you obtain that type of relationship. It is a true blessing when it occurs.

  14. Marriage is a life time venture that requires thorough planning and commitment. The reason for the high divorce rate is lack of commitment and selfishness. Issues will always arise but there is a solution to every problem,

    Thanks for the this write up. I’ll like to encourage all the sinlge people out there to take this bold step and GO ENJOY MARITAL BLISS!!

  15. Hey! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could find a
    captcha plugin for my comment form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having
    problems finding one? Thanks a lot!


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